Saturday, September 09, 2006

On writing and mothering

If it's possible to write beautifully about sin, the Psalmist David can do it.

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess
my transgressions to the Lord"--
and you forgave
the guilt of my sin."
~Psalm 32:1-5

My writing started in the second grade. I had a small Garfield diary in which I kept small sentences of what I did that day: "Me and Laura went to the zoo." I even wrote poetry. Here's one:

May is dandy,
Just like candy,
I don't want May,
To be another way,
So I would like May,
If I were you!
Oh, I was proud of that one.

The journaling never stopped. I have notebooks and notebooks of information, thoughts, prayers. Locked up in a trunk downstairs in my basement, of course.

The first couple of years of my mothering I was good. I kept up. But it was hard to devote extended amounts of time writing my thoughts down. I guess I had other things I wanted to pursue.

Then the world of blogging! A place to notice the mundane, to open my eyes to the details of life and write about them in away that would encourage myself and hopefully others.

Somewhere not too long (maybe a week!) after the birth of number four, I got it. It's not about you. Oh yes, I learned that in many different ways along my path, (who doesn't) but instead of fighting it this time, I embraced it. I had no choice. And, yes, I wanted to. And although my heart finally embraces it, frequently I fight it in my mind: surrendering to this mothering thing.
And, so, dear reader, I feel the need to say, I have not made it! It takes careful choice, careful thought, every day to surrender to Jesus. It does make it sweeter that a lot of my surrendering is because of my children, but I do it for Him.

And, that, is one reason for this blog: to walk hand in hand with those mothers who are trying, like me, to flourish. And the only way we can flourish is through freedom mothering. Freedom mothering comes when we surrender our wishes, our time, our whatever, to the sole purpose of serving Christ. Dying to self, yes. It is a privilege to be able to share this journey with some of you.

One thing I am going to try this week. Choosing Home has a great post on "Becoming A Psalmist". Some great tips on Writing for Healing. I am going to try it. It's been a long time since I've taken pen to paper, and I miss it. I'm a born organizer, and writing is a way of organizing all these jumbled thoughts in my mind.

And, so, if David writes so beautifully about sin, then surely I can tackle this mothering thing through words, and most importantly, His help.


Miriam said...

Andrea, this was such a neat post(as was the one from Choosing Home you referenced). I have found blogging to be such a help in heading towards healing in some areas of my life that have been ravaged by sin and hurt. But I haven't done much other writing - after reading this I'm thinking it will be good to do some more personal writing about things I can't blog about. Thank you so much for sharing this good compass heading.

Love your poem from childhood too! :)

Katherine@Raising Five said...

A die-hard journaler here, too. So awesome to see God's hand reading back through my entries. My blog has been great for helping me organize thoughts too, in a bit different way from journaling. I'm a little more personal than I thought I was, and just can't blog everything, but it still has a place.

I've sure enjoyed getting to know you. Love your blog!