Thursday, August 23, 2007

Help for the Martyr

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my anxieties and concerns for my children, that I fool myself into believing I do it all alone. I'm planning the outcome, thinking of steps to remedy the situation, and going through every neurotic nuance in my head--alone.

Basically, I take on the role of "mommy martyr". I tell God: "You go ahead. I'll do it. Don't worry about me." When in reality, I'm struggling over situations, whether I know it or not.

I can't tell you how many times I've just consulted my husband on any given issue, and he bears the burden with me. He might have a solution, a new way of looking at it, or he is simply a person to hear me out. As a woman, I love to "get it out".

However, even then, the equation is not complete. The Lord set up a Trinity for a reason, because He knew what worked. Three persons...working as one.

While it's still somewhat hard to ever completely understand the concept of the Trinity, with our finite mind, it can be beautifully played out in a marriage relationship. Woman submits to Man, Man submits to Christ. In essence, we give our God the glory when our husbands get the glory. It's a perfect equation, and it fits.

And, so, when I submit to and consult with my husband, I'm reminded that he is also a parent in this family.~smile~ It's not me doing it alone. And, what's better, we have the Lord heading it all up.

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
~Eccelesiatics 4:9-12

8 comments:

AIMEE said...

I have struggled with "mommy martyr" in the last few years mainly b/c most Christian women's books and homeschooling circles tend to paint a picture that we CAN do it all and don't need others...if I need help, then something is wrong with me, I'm not trusting in the HOly Spirit's power, I'm selfish, and on and on. We are a BODY and need a rich fellowship of others spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I am sifting through all the "mind clutter" I have of heavy yokes and burdens that I have carried alone b/c I believed that I was SUPPOSED to...I am seeing how to "need" is humility...

Natalia Hawthorne said...

Andrea,
What a wonderful, profound Christian post! I ran into your blog quite "by accident", while looking up something else online. Will bookmark your site and look forward to reading more! :-)

Keep on blogging!

Your new online friend,
Natlaia
(www.Successhelper.com)

Sarah said...

So true, it's so easy to arogantly think we are soley responsible for our children, and what an unneeded burden that is to carry. It undoubtedly comes from the feirce love we have for those little people, we take our stewardship of them so seriously, which is a good thing. But the Lord says, "my yoke is easy, my burden is light". To truely lay those concerns/worries at His feet and let Him carry them for us, ah, that is the ticket. But so much harder in practice than in heart knowledge. Praying for you, and all of we Martyr mommies out there.

Beverly said...

I do this too, Andrea. I think that I must figure out all the complexities of life and their solutions. I wear myself out with worrying and mulling over problems. But I have a God-given gift walking the path with me -- and how selfishly I hoard my concerns to myself! When I talk everything over with my husband, and I know that we are both praying, I feel physically and mentally lighter. And then we can cast them before the Lord! I often sing "I cast all my cares upon you," in times of need, even if I am struggling with doing so because that is my ultimate goal. He will bear it for us.

Joel and Jaime said...

Thank God for our wonderful, Christ-centered husbands who help us through it all! :)

Jennifer, Snapshot said...

I don't struggle with playing the martyr, but I do struggle with remembering that although I have primary caretaking responsibilities, he has wisdom, and it's nice to hear it when it comes to parenting.

Mrs. "M" said...

Enjoyed your post. I have never thought of it like that before. I definitely struggle to ask for help at times from other people outside mt family. We moved 3 years ago to an area where we have no family...it has brought this all to the fore front. Ultimately it's my pride.
Thanks for sharing.

Anu said...

andrea,
i read your blog for the first time today, n was hooked.
the whole appeal is so serene n calm.
love the little things u adorn ur posts with, the poems, the verses.
am gonna come back , a lot now.
n ya...great post!
god bless the husbands seriously.