Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Hard things

This morning I kind of broke down in front of my husband.

"I can't do it anymore....!" I sobbed. And no I wasn't being a drama queen. For the past 12 days or so, I have seen my husband a few select times. He has been working non-stop on a project at work, and me; well, I'm holdin' down the fort alone. It's tough.

I told myself I'd get through it this time with more grace than the times before. (The Lord's grace, that is.) Up until my breakdown, I was hanging by a string, but I thought I held it together pretty good--for the children's and my husband's sake. This isn't the hardest it can get, but it's hard.

Someone must have been prayin' pretty hard for me, because as usual, I'm behind the game in asking the Lord for help.

Yesterday, in addition to hanging by a string, I was hanging on to this verse:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
~Isaiah 41:10

And singin' How Firm A Foundation many of times.

And I made it. (deep breath) And the fact my husband is taking off Friday and has Monday off makes it go down a little sweeter. But, really, He is my helper! And with an eternal perspective, that makes all the hard things sweet.

"I will help you. It is but a small thing for Me, your God to help you. Consider what I have done already. What! not help you? Why, I bought you with my blood. What! not help you? I have died for you; and if I have done the greater, will I not do the lesser? Help you! It is the least thing I will ever do for you."
~today's devotional from Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening


Llama Momma said...

I have been there...right there. Undramatic tears and all.

God is there too, yes. But you need a girlfriend, too. If I lived closer I'd make a pot of soup and come over right now. (Or the next trip!)

Don't feel weak or uncapable because of your tears. Really, it's because you're doing a good job that it's so hard. And it IS hard. Society tells us it's no big deal to be a mother, anyone can do it. But it is a big deal. And it's a lot to shoulder on your own.

Courtney said...

Praying for you this week! May your days be blessed and may you be renewed by God's perfect grace.
Love you!

Sara said...

Awwwww mama...hang in there. I've definitely been there...and I only have ONE little blessing :) I love the Spurgeon quote. What a beautiful reminder of His power in our's but a "small thing" for Him and such a huge deal for us. Praying for peace and patience for you today!


Anonymous said...

i love when he reminds us that he really is our all in elizabeth:)

Miriam said...

Hi, Andrea. :) I can really relate to this... a while back my husband went through a really busy working season - gone most suppertimes, full Saturdays. It's an especially hard thing for homeschooling mamas, of course. Just praying for more and more grace for you. And sweet refreshment. I love that you sing His truth to get through - I do that, too. :) Blessings and love!

Beverly said...

I've been there, Andrea - and recently! Hugs to you, and thank you for reminding us of God's faithfulness!!

Mary Brooke said...

Wow. I mostly have compliments for you. Thank you for sharing the ups and "downs". Who would have thought it would be hard like this? I always remind myself that I'm serving Jesus and that life in Christ is not a cakewalk....but, it IS hard to deal with teaching and training some days...we're alone for about 12 hours a day..I mean without my husband.

Thank you for Spurgeon's quotes. My husband and I are interested and I appreciate you sharing them. The commentor above said something funny "It's only hard because you're doing a good job".

I think a lot on how to get through the rough meals out with friends, special video, something special. It's interesting to read about those ahead of me on the journey.
Warmly, Mary Brooke in Atlanta
sweet block pictures. our oldest (5) has a crush on Emmylou!

Beck said...

I find it just about impossible to cope if my husband isn't around.... I've been thinking a lot on Zephaniah 3:17 lately - He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing - and what a tremendous comfort that is, too.

Terry said...

I'm right there with you right now. Hang in there.

Amy Jane (Untangling Tales) said...

Another "been-there" story:

After My husband had been away (back when I had a new dog, two girls under three and just found out I was pregnant)about a week, my pastor's cheerful wife listened to my story.

She's often asking me what I think God is teaching me though some situation I'm telling her about. (This must just be her style, because she seems to relay everything that is happening to her through the filter of what she's learning.)

"Well," I told her that week, "I think the lesson I'm *supposed* to be learning is about drawing from God as my 'source.'"

She seemed pleased at my ready and orthodox answer, and I felt outright defiant, continuing immediately with, "But right now I'm so busy surviving I'm *not learning* anything." I said this last with one of those choking laughs you don't want to be a sob.

(ETA: turned into a soapbox-- so here's the warning-- sorry)

I *know* many things: I know God is good. I know he gives strength for the task. I know sometimes we have to be brought to our knees. But what I know most of all is that I don't need to hear platitudes while I'm living it.

Offer to change my bed's sheets (I didn't have the energy), or talk with me while I fold laundry (My main source of adult conversation was gone). Don't wish me well but do nothing (James 2:16-- What good is it?)

God provides many things from himself, but there are certain things he only offers through those with skin on them.

I'm glad your husband will will soon have much time to spend at home!

I *know* that makes all the difference in the world. {hugs}

Andrea said...

Amy Jane,
Spiritual help first, of course, but I'll take the help in human form as well...any day. It's also needed.

Sheila said...

Thanks for that encouragement. I passed it along to a friend.

Grafted Branch@Restoring the Years said...

Ugh. If my husband wasn't as present as he is, I think I'd have reached my breaking point long before the 12 day mark!

Two words for seasons like that: scale back--less school subjects and more read alouds to make for relaxed, "lazy" days.

I trust you'll have a better week after a long weekend of refreshment.

Mrs Wibbs said...

Andrea... I have been there myself! Am still there now. Difference being my husband is not 'away' (physically speaking) but is struggling to cope emotionally which makes me feel quite alone in a lot of ways. But by God's grace, we can still see light and know hope in every situation! Keep fixing your eyes on Jesus...

AIMEE said...

Bless you, dear one. Hope this past weekend was refreshing for you and that you have some renewed emotional energy. I think you have said before that you are a more reflective/introverted personality?? Which means the Lord DESIGNED you specifically to need alone time for refueling...sounds like He's whispering to you to rest :)

Jennifer, Snapshot said...

How Firm a Foundation is spiritual marker hymn for me as well. It served as confirmation for me when I was being called into a specific ministry. I was also being flamed at the time, so it was nice to be reminded that He was just refining me as part of His design--as it turns out that refinement rendered me more suitable for service.

Hang in there.