Sunday, July 20, 2008

Saying "no" to checklist parenting

I can serve all the healthy and organic food to my kiddos I can possibly serve, but if I have not love I am "a clanging cymbal."

I can preach "mini-sermons" to my kids when they "mess up" every. single. time. --but if I have not love I am "a clanging cymbal."

I can homeschool my children, keep a clean house for them, and read the Bible to them every day--but if I have not love I am "a clanging cymbal."

Instead of condemnation...choose grace.
Instead of control...grace.
Instead of rules, choose relationship....grace.
In all things...grace.

Thinking, reading: Perfectionism
Note: Our family has never used the Pearl's teachings. I did read the book when I had young children because someone gave it to me, but after reading it, felt condemnation and no mercy. Michael Pearl's tone and words did not "mesh" with my personality. There has been a lot of talk lately on the internet about the Pearl's child rearing philosophy. While I do not want to debate that here, I did want to share Ann's post because I think it can apply to mamas who are striving to extend Grace in their parenting, and she expresses her journey so well. We cannot fall into the trap of "checklist parenting" or "perfectionist parenting". That is why we have a Savior.

Always revisiting: Homeschooling Crisis

Have a Joy-filled, Mercy-filled, Grace-filled Sabbath.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.~I Corinthians 13:1-3


If you want to lovingly "debate" the Pearl's teaching, I urge you to go here. Interesting and eye-and-heart opening.

13 comments:

meredith said...

thank you for this. perspective is always good when you are feeling in the depths of a parenting 'crisis'. too often i have fallen guilty of lack of gace for my kids....

grace, such amazing grace.

wholefoodsfamily.wordpress.com said...

Your post reminds me of a book I read not too long ago, "Grace-based Parenting." The author made the comment that God gives us grace, not because we deserve it (because we obviously DON'T) but because we so desperately NEED it.

Enjoyed your post. Happy Sabbath to you and yours.

Toia said...

Love is the foundation of it all. If love is not your foundation of everything that you do, you're just like the foolish man building his house on the sand.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13:13)

This is a great post and a great reminder!!!

Have a bless Sunday!!

Elizabeth said...

Andrea: Thank you for this. Ann's Perfectionism post changed my life and poured so much grace into my thinking. I am going to buy "Families Where Grace Is In Place" because I need different, peaceful, gracious thoughts. I'm in this with you. Let's encourage each other together, ok? thank you, again. hugs!!!!

Elizabeth said...

Andrea: Thank you for this. Ann's Perfectionism post changed my life and poured so much grace into my thinking. I am going to buy "Families Where Grace Is In Place" because I need different, peaceful, gracious thoughts. I'm in this with you. Let's encourage each other together, ok? thank you, again. hugs!!!!

carrie said...

Thank you, Andrea for this post..
I am so encouraged in my motherhood now...I read Ann's post and sadly, I too was that graceless mother...Praise the Lord for His unmerited favor..for His Love for us. For His Grace. Oh how none of us deserve it.

But! Even still He lavishes that grace upon us!

I still marvel.

Victoria said...

I've just popped over here for a browse after posting - and it felt lovely to find a close link to the prayer I had shared (Love is..!)
Amazing!

TulipGirl said...

Beautifully, beautifully said. . .

Susan L said...

Very nice, Andrea! I just read Ann's post the other day, and I was impressed by her very gentle, loving ability to her story. And her parenting encouragement is so wonderful, too.

So is yours here.
Susan

Jessica said...

Thank you for this post. I stumbled on your blog a few months ago and have been reading it ever since. I always enjoy your words and this one was what I needed to read.

Prairie Chick said...

Heart wrenching. God demands obedience, but patiently calls us to it. Oh to be the patient voice, beckoning and encouraging these little ones down the path of obedience.

Andrea said...

Praire,
Yes, you used the right word: heart-wrenching.
Grace and patience is not our natural human way, but it is God's way.
Learning to extend grace like He does is diffiicult, but oh how you learn of His ways immensely!

Andrea said...

Thank you for that post. Our family is memorizing the LOVE verse right now. Yup, that's me---want the verse to sink in for my kiddos but what about me?! I am on the search for a grace-based child training book for myself and our church library. Any suggestions? I have considered Shepherding a Child's Heart but it may be too...? I am not familiar with the Pearls. Would value your book ideas.