Creating a home

I love to spend time creating my home. It is so satisfying to see people who take the time to create comfortable and inspiring living spaces for their family. I am not talking about decor or furniture. You can really create spaces of living for your family without spending much money or even any money.

The spirit in the home

Creating living spaces really starts with the mother and father and their attitude in making a home. "If mama ain't happy, then nobodys happy." I firmly believe the mother's spiritual, emotional and physical health need to be taken into consideration before anything else.  Examine yourself. Examine your feelings. Though we are not to live off our feelings, God does give us feelings to help us probe deeper: "Why do I feel this way? What can I do about it?"  Feelings should not be dismissed, nor should they be what rules our life. Time spent with the Lord--praying, reading His word-- will ensure our feelings line up with His truth. This will hopefully spill out into creating the kind of home we desire.

My own essentials

I have in my mind a few essentials that I like in my home. Do you need these in your home? I don't know. These are things that I  personally love to see in a home: 

~Books. I love a home with lots and lots of books. I try to put books in all rooms of my house so any family member or guest can pick up something and look at it. 

~Hardwood floors. This is not a *necessity* but something I love. Hardwood floors are easy to clean, free of allergens, and pleasing to look at. It's one thing I look at when looking at a home.

~Sunshine. My home must have light in it. God's heavenly light brings beauty to everything! I love a home with lots of sunlight.

~Creative supplies. I keep a cabinet of craft supplies for my children. They have free reign to take out whatever they want and work on it.

~A big dining table. Family meals are an important part of creating my home. I try to use my dining table for almost everything we do, and as a center meeting point for our family.

~Music. I love that music is so prevalent in our home. My children have a radio with CDs in their room that they can listen to. There is music in the kitchen. We do a lot of "kitchen dancing" in there. My husband plays guitar and mandolin and will play to them. I love hearing a child practice music. Music lifts the soul.

~Indoor/Outdoor spaces. I love that our deck is off our kitchen area. In warmer months, my children live freely indoor and out. They can go on the deck to eat, play, read, or do crafts at their leisure. I like that it flows easily from indoor to out. Is it my dream farm? No, but it suits us now. =)

~Children. I have a like/dislike affair with my children's messes. On one hand, they are evidence of life in the home, on the other hand, they always have to be cleaned up. However, that being said, I love to see evidence of children in the home.

~Lack of clutter. Spaces that are neatly organized are very appealing to me. Rooms with clutter are distracting and hard to live in. Please--I am not perfect in this area, but it is something that I continually strive for. A general rule I like is "A place for everything, and everything in its place." It makes life much easier.

Resources

I talked about some resources that I like in creating a home here.

Edith Schaeffer's book The Hidden Art of Homemaking is a book I go to for continual renewal of perspective in creating my home.

Sally Clarkson writes about the spirit of home in her books and on her blog. Here are two recent posts about that which I enjoyed: Here and here.

I know there are so many other resources. Do you have any to share?

Repost: What to do when your husband works late or is out of town

This is one of my most searched for topics on my blog, oddly enough. Wives want to know how to survive when their husband is out of town or works late. I am reposting this for myself to not only remind myself, but also to get any more ideas on how to "survive". I know I would benefit, as well as those readers searching for answers...

I think the title of this post pretty much sums it up. How do you survive when your husband works long hours and/or is out of town frequently? I will admit, this post is written mostly by me and for me. But if you ladies will benefit and/or have any other helpful advice/wisdom, I will gladly receive it!

I stole this idea from a sweet blogging friend the amazing Kari Jo. I've been reading her blog for ages, and then I got to meet her in person, and it was like I was meeting a celebrity! I love reading about her life and musings as an urban mom to four children in NYC. She is pretty amazing. Her post on this subject is here, and yes, I did steal her fabulous crazed housewife picture. Isn't it great? Kari Jo was so much more gracious in "how to survive", focusing much of her thoughts on how she could bless her husband. That is a good thing. I should do that more. *smile* But here is my take on how to survive those trying years...I mean...days.

1. Go to bed early. Like be in bed by at least 9 pm. You can work on your laptop, or read or chill or whatever, but the bottom line is : You need sleep to do this.

2. Ask for prayer. Lots of it. You need that too, and it's and easy (hopefully) for people to help you out that way. You pray for your husband. He is working hard, too.

3. Fix easy dinners. Easy dinners=easy prep=easy clean up. We do lots of Pizza take out when daddy is gone.

4. Be in the Word daily or more than that. Be connected to The Source. This is so overlooked, but so vital. Kari Jo mentioned it, and I was like, "Duh. Why didn't I think of that?"

5. Do something fun. Get out of the house. The day will go by faster, and you will be happier. Just make sure it's not every day or you will be a "mean mama". (At least I will be.)

6. Put the kids to bed early. I'm talking 7:30. I withhold naps so I can get them to bed early. Then there is more time to decompress, relax, and get ready to go to bed early. (Contrary to popular belief (at least to me), just because my husband works late, doesn't mean I should!) Do you catch the theme? Get some sleep!!!

So, there is my list. Got any others to share? And please don't tell me your husband doesn't ever work late. I might actually end up looking like that lady in the picture if you tell me that. *wry smile*

Creative preparation

"Mama, take a picture of my french toast--it's so pretty!"

"But as we are speaking about food, let us prepare it beautifully for each person: in the family,

to enhance communication and a feeling of loving care in the home; among friends and guests of all sorts; but also for strangers, who can do nothing in return for you..."

~Edith Schaeffer The Hidden Art of Homemaking

All we like sheep

My little guy had a long day today. He got up at 6 a.m. (earlier than usual, but not much), played outside for a good part of the day, skipped a nap, and was exhausted at 7 p.m. Mondays are the days that he goes to bed at least by 7:30 p.m. After dinner, the game is, "how fast can we get him to bed?" Tantrums and such are dealt with much grace: we can only attribute it all to tiredness.

Tonight he threw a tantrum doozy. This is rare for our little guy. He is generally easy going and compliant. That's not to say he'll let you run over him; but his personality is generally sweet and laid-back. Tonight he'd had it. It was time for bed, and he wanted to continue playing outside. He wanted Daddy to put him to bed, not Mama. He didn't want to brush his teeth. And so on. And he screamed. And cried. And hiccuped. And me, his mama, knew what he needed. He needed to be sung to, snuggled with, and put to bed. I knew in two minutes he would fall fast asleep. But yet he tested me: yelling that he wanted to go outside, crying for Daddy, saying he "didn't want to go to bed." 

I couldn't help but think of myself. There's several issues in my life that I am struggling with. I've been telling God for years how I think it should go. What I don't want to do. How I want my life to go. And He listens patiently, knowing what I need. Why do I have a hard time ending my rants with: "nevertheless, Your will."???

God let Job complain about his circumstances for a good long while. Our Lord was patient in listening to him--chapter upon chapter Job complained about his lot. (and I have to say it *was* a pretty bad lot!) The Lord spoke to Job and reminded him---

"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
or who laid its cornerstone-
while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?
"Who shut up the sea behind doors
when it burst forth from the womb,
when I made the clouds its garment
and wrapped it in thick darkness,
when I fixed limits for it
and set its doors and bars in place,
when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther;
here is where your proud waves halt'?"

All-righty then.

"All we like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way." 

We need a Savior. We need someone to remind us that we did not make the Heavens, the Earth, the Sea, and ourselves. We need someone to tell us to go to bed. Our Lord knows what we need.

Mama Monday

Today's Mama Monday is a local-in-person friend of mine.

She is the kind of friend who makes you laugh and laugh, will remember your favorite meal (and cook it for you), and calls you "honey"--(I love that.) 

My friend Jeanette has a beautiful smile and is always talking and laughing. I am blessed to know her!

Ladies, I bring you Jeanette:

Jeanette and her 100% Irish husband Tim

1. Greatest thing about being a mom
My kids seem to love me no matter what. They are so loving and affectionate. I can’t imagine when they are all grown up and it will not be possible to hold them and kiss them 1000 times a day!

2. Hardest thing
Sleep deprivation & potty training.

3. how do you find balance in your life:
Balance? What’s that? I just remember that before I had kids I had balance and one day too soon they will leave the nest and I will have more balance (time) on my hands then I’ll know what to do with. For now it’s really mostly about them. Sorry to disappoint ladies if you thought I was going to offer some mystic words of wisdom on this subject but Mom’s come last and that’s the truth! Sometimes I sneak away when my husband’s home to go “food shopping” and then go to the diner by myself or to TJ Maxx for a little retail therapy. I LOVE a good bargain LOL! I am always gone for hours but Tim never asks why it took soooo long to do the grocery shopping. I feel refreshed when I get back!

4. hobbies/interests:
Books, knitting, I would say scrap booking but I haven’t done it in about 3 years (anybody want to buy some supplies? Ha ha!), reality TV (ashamed to say), author and sociologist Malcolm Gladwell ( Blink, The Tipping Point, Outliers), nutrition, cooking, food, politics and economics.

5. describe your family
Traditional and close-knit.

6. Describe yourself in one word
Paranoid (my sister’s recommendation) Made me laugh but it’s true!

7. I couldn't live without--
My Jesus, my Mac and my Coffee!

8. Favorite color
Have to pick two…grey and orange. What a contradiction!

9. Favorite food
Latin. I love good Mexican…I could sustain myself for days on fresh tortilla chips, guacamole and salsa. I also love all types of soup.

10. How motherhood has changed you
In the obvious ways it does to all women..physically & mentally. One thing is that before I had my children if you asked me if I thought I was a selfish person I would have balked at that question and said “NO!” Having children has shown me what a selfish person I really am. Moms have it the hardest b/c I feel we are the ones that have to deny the most to ourselves. You know--like a shower when we want it! I really wanted what was best for my kids and for our family and for us that meant being at home with them full-time. It’s what is best for them but it was a sacrifice for me professionally. I gave up a lot to be at home with them and would do it again, I have no regrets, but I do wonder sometimes what will happen in the future. I do not see myself staying at home when they are both in school full time but I am not sure I know what I’d like to do with the rest of my life now that everything is so different! So one significant way motherhood has changed me is that it brought to my attention that I am basically a really rotten person sometimes and I do need a Savior! So that is a good thing!

11. happiest childhood memory
Being with my paternal-grandmother on the double swing in her backyard. She would sit with me for what seemed like hours and tell me stories and answer whatever questions I had. The time she spent with me is more valuable than anything. She has been gone 6 years this year and I still think “oh I’d love to pick up the phone and tell her what Timothy or Grace did…she would get such a kick out of it!” and then I remember she is not here. I cannot wait to see her again and I know I will thank the Lord!

12. Favorite treat
I love all treats…but some of my favorites include:
York peppermint patties; chocolate layer cake, salsa, chips, guacamole, good bread, coffee, green iced tea and the Chocolate Duet Cookie from Panera Bread, Caramel and all lemony or coconutty stuff! Since I am currently on Weight Watchers I am not eating ANY OF THIS RIGHT NOW…I AM NOT BITTER ABOUT IT AT ALL…HONEST (yeah right)!

13. 3 books that changed your life
1. The Bible – saved my life and that is how it changed it!
2. You Are What You Eat, Gillian McKeith
3. Slim For Life, Gillian McKeith

The two Gillian McKeith books are about health and nutrition. She also has a show on The BBC called You Are What You Eat. I am very concerned about the lies that we are being told about what is and isn’t healthy for our bodies. High Fructose Corn Syrup and basically all refined sugar is what is really making people fat and unhealthy. I am very conscious about what I eat now. This does not mean I am a freak and won’t let my kids eat a happy meal once in a while, but I make better food choices for myself and my family 90% of the time these days and over the long haul I believe that will lead to a healthier lifestyle. These books have so much information about nutrition, the body and how it digests food and I would highly recommend them to anyone that is interested in eating a diet that is a little closer to how our Maker probably intended us to eat.

Jeanette's precious children

Thank you Jeanette!!!

Weekend reads

Green is a common sense color

I've seen this around the internet a few times. Good read.

I confess 

Hilarious. I also "confess" that after living in New York for 10 years and being raised to be a "gracious Southerner", I had 2 bouts of road rage this year--yes, you read that right, I went *off* on two drivers who "crossed my path". Am I crazy, or have I just "had it"? I loved this guy's response.

Daily Routines

I am fascinated by daily routines in general. But of artists and writers? I eat it up.

Study your husband

Lots of great ideas to use. Could also apply to our children and anyone else the Lord puts in our life. 

Have a wonderful weekend!!

Experiences over things

I've written a few times about my late grandmother on this blog:  here, here and here. (The last piece was read at her funeral this past summer.)

My grandmother holds a special, special place in my heart. The pain of losing her is still so raw that I will tear up if I let myself think about her for an extended amount of time or talk about her with loved ones. I do not grieve as the world does, for she is dancing in Heaven right now, but I do miss her, cherish her.

She touched a deep place in me that very few people have. I remember so much about her. Her smile, her kindness, her gentleness. Sitting on her lap. Snuggling with her in her bed. The way she smelled of coffee and fried ham on Sundays when we visited her. Looking in her jewelry box and looking at each piece of jewelry she wore. Her fur coat hanging in her closet that she never wore. Her quilting. Her crafts. Her hugs. Feeling loved. There's so much.

When I think about being with her, we really didn't do a lot together. By that, I mean we didn't go many places. I can only remember a handful of times going to the grocery store with her. (Painful experiences, as she was extremely frugal and looked at every. single. thing.) We didn't go to the movies, or the zoo, or the toy store. In fact, there are very few tangible gifts that she gave me.

When I think about being with her, it was very simple. "Gaga" lived on good sized acreage (about 15 acres?) in a house she essentially helped build with my grandfather. They lived there until they died. Weekends were spent at her house, roaming the land, playing pretend, eating good food, and just being together.

She loved to teach us things, as she was a home economics teacher for years at the local high school. We took walks, she showed me her quilt project she was working on, we did Christmas crafts, but mostly I just remember sitting with her on the porch outside, being with each other and talking. I loved those times. Those are the times I grieve for.

I seek to create those kind of times for my children. I seek to give them experiences, not things. Crafts, playing games, eating together. Sitting outside together--you know, just being together.

I seek to be focused on them, and make them feel loved and cherished for who they are, for who God made. Those things are so important to me. I want them to grieve those experiences in the very best way when they are not living at my home any more.

I feel like striving for these ideals (in a very natural way, not a legalistic way) will pass on the value of "non-disposable living". That relationships matter more than things. That time spent with each other talking is way more important than rushing here to there. Relationships and time spent with others is what takes deep root. It's what speaks to us ultimately because it's how we were created: to be intimate with God, and with each other. It's what connects us, balances us and fulfills us. I seek this not only in my family, but in outside relationships.

"I want them to value experiences over things. And when we make something or when we acquire something with a history, those things are experiential." ~ Stephanie Congdon Barnes

Mama Monday

Today's Mama Monday is the provocative, thoughtful author of the blog Kids, Twins, and Laundry Bins.

Elizabeth is the mama to five beautiful children: 3 "singletons" and 2 twin girls--double the love!

Elizabeth writes passionately about her family, following the Lord, and various social and cultural issues including a published piece in her local paper entitled: "Breaking up with Facebook is hard to do"

Ladies, I am pleased to bring you Elizabeth:

1. greatest thing about being a mom:

Getting to know and fall in love with each of my children. They are
all so unique and endowed with such varying personalities,
temperaments, gifts, strengths and yes, even weaknesses. It's humbling
to see yourself reflected back through your children's behavior and
attitudes. It keeps me honest. And it brings me to my knees in prayer.
Most of all, being a mother has taught me the awesome power of love.
Love makes all the difference.

2. hardest thing:

When everyone has the tummy flu--including Mommy!

3. how do you find balance in your life:

By prioritizing my marriage. Matt & try to schedule frequent date
nights and annual getaways because we understand that providing a
stable, healthy family requires two parents who value and appreciate
each other. Spending time alone together reminds us that before we
were parents, we were lovers and best friends. We don't ever want to
lose that.

4. hobbies/interests:

Writing, reading and the occasional, friendly debate about politics,
religion and poetry.

5. life with five children is--exhausting, exhilarating, challenging,
rewarding, meaningful and hilarious.

6. favorite blogs or websites

I love blogs that make me think. Jennifer F's "Conversion Diary" is
well-written and insightful. I read the Huffington Post--just to know
how the other side thinks, ha ha. I enjoy Abraham Piper's "22 Words"
blog--such amazing wisdom in tiny, bite-size pieces. I drool over what
Ali Edwards does with scrapbooking--I'm a backslidden scrapbooker,
myself. I've learned great photography tips through Karen Russell &
Tara Whitney's blogs. I even read the occasional scientific blog--
although I don't understand half the concepts. LOL.

7. I couldn't live without--

My dear, precious Mac computer.

8. favorite thing to do with your family

Spend a day at the beach swimming, surfing, body-boarding and building
sand castles. Then walk across the street to the Olde Spaghetti
Factory and chow down on some awesome grub.

9. favorite food

Greek/Mediterranean food: hummus, dolmades, spanakopita. Italian food:
shrimp scampi, linguine in white wine sauce. Wow, I'm hungry just
thinking about it!

10. favorite treat

MINT MILANOS!

11. 3 books that changed your life

Just three? Arrrrrgh!

Excluding the Bible: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, My Utmost For His
Highest by Oswald Chambers, the poetry of John Donne especially
"Batter my heart, three person'd God."

12. parenting "epiphany"

That I'm going to make mistakes and that's OK. Making up and making
amends make all the difference. Love and forgiveness really are the
answers to most of life's problems.

13. verses that comfort you

Isaiah 40:11 "He shall feed His flock like a shepherd: He shall gather
the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and shall gently
lead those that are with young."

14. one word that describes me--

Critical thinker.

Thank you Elizabeth!!

Weekend reads

Smother Love I liked this when I first read it last week.
Letter to a friend
Holy Salad. Or how fundamentalism crushed my spirit
Fearless parenting Oh, I'm reading this again and again.

Happy reading! And have a wonderful weekend!!

What is margin?

The past six to nine months have been one of soul-searching for me. I am forming new paradigms in my mind, but most importantly, I am seeking for more true and clear ways to help me have the Abundant Life that Jesus spoke of.

One of the ways I am seeing (for me personally) how to do this is to create margins in my life. By margin, I mean I am cutting out information overload in my mind, making sure it is filled with Scripture, cutting out unnecessary burdens on my time and energy, and giving all stress and anxiety to the Lord by turning it all to Him in prayer. 

A helpful book I have been skimming is Richard Swenson's book Margin. 

This is what the site says about margin:

Margin is the space between our load and our limits and is related to our reserves and resilience. It is a buffer, a leeway, a gap; the place we go to heal, to relate, to reflect, to recharge our batteries, to focus on the things that matter most.

Margin offers seventy-five practical prescriptions for restoring margin in the essential areas of emotional energy, physical energy, time, and finances. Margin restores what culture has taken away: time to listen, strength to care, space to love.

Everyone finds margin in different ways. What works for me, may not work for you, and vice versa. I want to say it's "ok" for a mother to care for herself. It is *needed* in order to be the mother God created us to be, also in order to live the abundant life He promised us as believers.

Margin, for me, is creating space in my life, and in my days to do things that recharge me. It is creating time for:

1. Rest
2. Prayer
3. Relationships

These three things I believe are what God has meant for me in order to live a life more abundant. He is going to give me strength to do the things He has called *me* to do, not what He has called others to do. We have to be Focused and Restful in spirit and mind to see what He is calling us to do.

Stressed out, frazzled, busy, unfocused, moms are no good for their husbands, children, or others that we could be ministering to in the Body. These three qualities are not always linked. I know mothers who are unfocused, yet calm. That doesn't do us any good to minister to others. I know mothers who are stressed and frazzled, yet focused. Again, not a good combination.
Trust me, I am still on this journey. The Lord is peeling back layers in me that I never knew were there. Changing paradigms is hard. But in the end, it will be worth doing for the glory of realizing Abundant Life.

What are ways that you have learned to live an Abundant Life? What does "margin" mean to you? Please share!!

Related: 

Making margins
A quote and a question
Of playdates and peace
Taking care of mama
(there are more posts in this series)

Being aware, being students

There's this real gem of a book out that you might be aware of. It's called The Five Love Languages and it's by Gary Chapman. I believe there is one to use with your children, one with your teens, and even one for singles coming out, which could be used in the Church Body or for any relationship, it sounds like. These books are really nothing new, it is the way God loves and sees us, but it is so revolutionary and needed for us sinful humans who need help being intimate and having healthy relationships with everyone in our lives.
In an old book from 1920 I found in an antique store titled: Talks to Mothers, in the chapter called "The Thoughtful Mother", it says:

"Child study is a new study. It belongs to our age. There are many ways of studying children. There is the scientific way of the university. There is the way of the teacher who tests and measures the growth of her pupils. And there is the way of the mother who keeps all these things and ponders them in her heart. "

Barbara Curtis of  Mommy Life says in her book: Lord, Meet Me In The Laundry Room:

"When you're "just a mommy", you have time to watch and wait and pray. It takes a lot of observation of your children to know who they truly are, and it takes a lot of thought and prayer---to hear the still small voice that speaks to you about each one."

I have to agree. Studying our children is an art that takes careful thought and mindful awareness. It takes cutting out the mental clutter in our head to focus on the thought at hand.

I'm going to go one step further and suggest that this awareness should spill over (or more like it-- start) with the Lord and our husbands. It is so common in our world with all the distractions like TV, radio, computer, cell phones, ipods, etc. --information overload--to ignore the signs and promptings of the Holy Spirit. Often this could also be us hearing but refusing to listen to Him. We must try to be students of all God's people, not just our children. How do we do that? What makes someone respond? Is it words of encouragement? Serving? How do they show love to you?  Then to speak their love language,  you do their love language to them. Make sense? It works in all relationships. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all were mindful in that way with each other? God seeks to understand us so we should seek to understand others.

Mama Monday

Today's Mama Monday is the exquisite Tonia from the beautiful and peaceful blog Study in Brown. It is one of my top five favorite reads. I am always finding rest and wisdom there.

Tonia writes from a deep grace-filled perspective.

On her blog you will find lots of common sense, generous words, and lots of beauty.

Ladies, I am excited to bring you Tonia:

1. Greatest thing about being a mother:  discovering my children. they are extraordinary people. to watch a person grow beneath your heart - i mean this both figuratively and literally as i am an adoptive mom as well as a biological mom - and unfurl day by day into someone wholly other than you is an awe-some experience. and yet, in their otherness there is the undeniable truth that they are, for good or bad, woven with my fiber, inextricably a part of the person that I am right now. the privilege of it is constantly exciting.

2. Hardest thing:

i would answer this differently at different times of my mothering-life. i can clearly remember thinking the hardest part was the unrelenting physical and emotional exertion of caring for home and little kids. now, as most of my kids are in their teens (their ages are 16, 15, almost 14 and 9) i think the hardest thing is allowing for their individuality. the same thing that makes motherhood wonderful makes it sometimes terrifying. all of us nurture expectations and ambitions for our kids at some level, and watching them make their own choices that may not be in line with those expectations can be hard. i am learning to quiet down and not offer advice so freely, to transition to this new stage of listening and supporting instead of always directing. it's a challenge!

3. How you find balance in your life:  i think our culture (christian culture too!) has done a real disservice to people in the area of balance. we try to homogenize everyone and condense the intricacy of living into reader's digest-like articles that we can post on our fridge and follow for success. i am a firm believer that we need to let go of the one-size-fits-all programs and know ourselves. i'm not talking pop-psychology here, but about understanding the person God created you to be and taking on His freedom in that knowledge. the biggest part of balance is understanding where you are in life and how you can be the person God created the most fully and freely. for myself, i have learned to quit fighting my introversion and nurture it instead. i am alone far more than i am with others outside the family. i take regular breaks from blogging. i allow myself the freedom of not going to church if i feel too overwhelmed or pressured. i save my best energy for specific ministry opportunities, such as hosting a small group of people in our house twice a month. if we hosted this group every week i would be a basket case, but i have learned not to allow outside pressure to dictate my schedule. when i am tired or feel emotional stress, i stop working and find a quiet place to do some handwork or read a book or take a nap. i don't apologize for needing those times. that is how God made me. and i find that when i am faithful to those internal cues i have a deeper, richer place from which to share God's love with others. it's true that i don't accomplish as much on the outside as some others seem to, but i am running a marathon in this life, not a sprint. i want to finish strong and healthy.

4. Hobbies/interests: i am most interested in the art of living beautifully. with what the Lord has provided for me, i want to live abundantly and deeply. i am fascinated by nutrition, organic gardening and food preservation, health-supportive cooking, home-keeping, and handwork. in addition to spending time with my family, i love interacting with our animals (2 dogs, 2 cats, 6 chickens and 14 ducks), walking/hiking, reading, watching good movies, being outside in nature.

5. Describe your family:  there are 6 of us: Mark, my husband, Nick (16), Daniel (15), Meagan (soon to be 14) and Caleb (9). three years ago we moved to our "dream" house on 5 wooded acres in a small town. by "dream" house i mean that we are dreaming of what it will look like in 20 years! *smile* we've got a loooong way to go, but it's lovely to live with the trees and the quiet of nature.

6. Favorite blogs/websites: it changes on a regular basis. i have regular friends i visit, of course, but these are the sites i go to when i have extra time and am looking for inspiration:

habit of being - this is such a treasure...the photos, the words, the layout. i only let myself read it occasionally so i never lose the feeling of being somewhere special.

simple green frugal co-op - so many good, practical ideas here.

eyes of wonder - anyone who has read jewels' thoughts on motherhood and faith knows why this is a favorite.

jesus creed - i love scot mknight's approach to the big issues. he's gentle, wise and thinks outside the box.

karina's kitchen - best gluten-free/dairy-free recipes i've found.

7. The Lord has been speaking to me about:  living a life of gentleness. taking the gentleness and kindness of the Lord into every situation. refusing the fluster and bustle of the world and keeping my voice soft, my face kind, my words life-giving.

8. Favorite color:  brown (*smile* did you even need to ask?) ... and green and orange and red....

9. Favorite food:  perfectly ripe berries

10. Favorite thing to do in your free time:  it changes. right now i'm loving crochet.

11. Advice to a new mum:  i want to be careful here, because there is a lot to learn when you are a new mom and it is so important to be kind to yourself and not expect yourself to have everything perfected or accomplished. but i think that from the start you should be asking yourself what kind of life do you want to have in five years, ten years, twenty years? do you want your children to be respectful? kind? do you want your marriage to be strong and thriving? do you want to be strong, healthy, fit? do you want a beautiful, welcoming home? where do you want to be spiritually?

then live that life now. don't wait for someday when the house is clean or you are less tired or you quit working or your husband gets a raise. search out the ways you can live the life you want right now.

respect your children, speak gently to them, cultivate a lifestyle of kindness.
invest in your marriage. investment means you pay into something now for a return later. can you invest 5 minutes a day in listening well? 2 minutes a day in kissing? an hour a week to watch football with him?
put your shoes on and get outside for a walk. buy a bag of carrots instead of chips when you need a snack. drive right on past the McDonalds and make an omelet for dinner instead.
put flowers on the table every week. pray over the rooms of your house. cultivate peace with your smile and calm spirit.
let God define you. say no to things that detract from His calling and design. just because someone asks you to participate in something doesn't mean you have to agree. just because others are having fun with something doesn't mean you should get involved.  

12. Great books? For the Family's Sake - The Value of Home in Everyone's Life - Susan Schaeffer Macaulay.

Macaulay gave me a vocabulary and framework for my passion of home-making and keeping.

Soul Survivor - How My Faith Survived the Church - Philip Yancey

Yancey shares how a diverse group of authors, thinkers, leaders helped shape his understanding of his faith. When I read this I had come from a church upbringing that taught that anything or anyone not explicitly christian was evil and dangerous. Yancey introduced me to the idea of finding the imago dei (the image of God) in a diversity of places. It was my first taste of the expanse of God's grace and power.

Surprised by Hope - N.T. Wright

Applying God's redemptive purpose to all of creation and the age to come. Powerful and liberating.

13. How you've changed this year:  I've grown a tremendous amount in the last year or so. I have a new confidence in who God has called me to be, a new feeling of assurance about my faith and my particular expression of it. I have settled a few questions in my mind that have plagued me for years...finally admitting that I am not the girl raised in a fundamentalist church any longer and letting some old hangups and fears die. I am thinking about myself and my role in the world in a different light. It's a good time for me spiritually and emotionally.

14. Guilty pleasures?

 i don't feel guilty about any of these things! but these are some of my luxuries...

dark chocolate
a vanilla latte (with hemp milk...yum)
soft, natural yarns
spending a whole saturday on the couch with a good murder mystery
a bowl full of fresh greens and ripe tomatoes with creamy garlic dressing
duck eggs from my own much-loved ducks
salt and pepper Kettle chips
candlelit baths
listening to my daughter playing classical music on the piano
a live-in photographer
late-night backgammon with my husband

See what I mean? I myself will read and re-read Tonia's generous answers.

Thank you, Tonia!!!

Celebrating the week

Enjoying the rest of Holy Week...
Focusing on Giving Up.
Everyone have a blessed Resurrection Day!
See you next week.

Psalm 23--for moms

This morning I am holed up in my bedroom, searching for some Real Peace And Quiet so I can take on this daunting task of motherhood. I don't feel I'm up for it today. So I am searching for refreshment with Him, and in His Word. I love "The Message" version of Psalm 23. Rest for all you weary mamas...

God, my shepherd!

I don't need a thing.

You have bedded me down in lush meadows,

you find me quiet pools to drink from.

True to your word,

you let me catch my breath

and send me in the right direction.

Even when the way goes through

Death Valley,

I'm not afraid

when you walk at my side.

Your trusty shepherd's crook

makes me feel secure.

You serve me a six-course dinner

right in front of my enemies.

You revive my drooping head;

my cup brims with blessing.

Your beauty and love chase after me

every day of my life.

I'm back home in the house of God

for the rest of my life.

Mama Monday--next week

Mama Monday will be back next week. I'm still gathering information from several mamas.

Two steps forward, one step back

I have always thought that motherhood is a great metaphor for the Christian life. Or at least a good teacher. Where else can you learn lessons of sacrifice, forgiveness. love, and grace on a daily--sometimes minute-by-minute basis?

Where else do you get the satisfaction of doing dishes, making meals, washing laundry, cleaning house--to think you have it all under control--but then realize you've made only small steps, and have to do things all over again the next day?

Sometimes, I think we, as sinful people, as Christians, as mothers, believe "it all should be done." I struggle with it myself. That's just simply not true. The only thing that is really "done" is Christ paying the price of sin for us on the cross. Everything else? Is a work in progress. Is two steps forward, one step back. It's starts and stops. Bumps. Rewinds. Never a steady flow of achievement. I think when I realize that my life flows a tad easier. I accept that laundry will need to be done again tomorrow. That I have to make breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks--today-- and probably again tomorrow and the next day and the next.

The Christian life is eerily similar to this concept.

Because we are broken, sinful people, it won't be a continuous line of progress. There will be setbacks, and do-overs, and mess-ups. Life flows easier once we accept this--in ourselves, in our husbands, in our children, and in others.

"This life is not a state of being righteous, but rather a growth of righteousness; not a state of being healthy, but a period of healing; not a state of being, but becoming; not a state of rest, but of exercise and activity. We are not yet what we shall be, but we grow toward it; The process is not yet finished, but it is still going on; This life is not the end, it is the way to a better. All does not yet shine with glory; nevertheless, all is being purified."

~Martin Luther

Connecting

Life with four children is very crazy and very hectic. The fact that we will be adding another child to the mix can make me feel overwhelmed. I have to slow down and remember to live in the moment, not in "what might come."
This is good advice when faced with the question that every mom of more than one encounters: How do I connect on a deep level with all of my children individually?
I think about these things, you know.
One way that I connect with my family is by daily family dinners. We all wait until daddy comes home and we all eat together. It is the one time of day that we can be sure we are together to connect. Sure, it would be easier to feed the hungry littles earlier, but when I get the opportunity for us to all be together, then I am going to take it.
Another way is not only building times, but taking advantage of times during the week I know I will be alone with a certain child. Wednesdays are the day that my teen rides with me in the afternoon to go pick up the three youngest children from either home school co-op or preschool. I look forward to this time because it is really the one time a week we are alone for a good 30 minutes in the car chatting and connecting. Often the talk is not about "deep issues", but everyday things. I also bribe her with a Starbucks drink if she will go with me. =) I think five dollars for that time is worth it.
Another thing I like to do is take a child with me on errands when my husband can stay at home with the others. My children remember "who went last time" and when their turn is to get a chance to be with mama alone. I love to connect with my children one on one, so I try to make time for that whenever I can.
Saturdays are good days for "dates". Last Saturday I took my eight year old to breakfast and then the bookstore. Just her and I. (This was a Christmas gift, but I also like to make time to do it other times.)
It's important to be mindful of these times, because often the richest connections are made in the shortest times of one on one. I love to get to know my children in this way.

Often times, one on one times are not possible. I find that if I am practicing living in the moment with them, actually listening when they talk to me, getting down on my knees, looking in their eyes, and letting them know what they are telling me is important speaks volumes to them, and for me, it allows me to slow down and really live in the moment.

I also keep in mind some great advice that Kari Jo shared on her featured Mama Monday. When asked what restores her as a mom, she answered:
"praying with my kid.
asking what they're thinking about God,
about what it means right-this-very-moment that
our identity is in Christ,
asking them how i can pray for them,
which of their friends i can pray for
(i love to hear what they're observing about others)

talking spiritually w/ my kids
reminds me that we're on the same page,
that we belong to the same Father;
what encouragement
and significance this brings
to our constant interactions."

Love that.
Taking time to connect with our children and family lets them know we love to be with them, spend time with them, and care about their feelings-- therefore who they are as a person. It helps us get to know them better to better understand them, and that way we can better parent them with grace.

In what way do you connect with your children and family? I'd love to hear...