Sunday, May 30, 2010

Letting go

My oldest daughter is at that age (16 and 3 quarters) where I have to consciously let go of her in small ways, trust the Lord, and pray, pray, pray. (not that any other age is different, but moms of teens will understand this more.)

My husband and I have purposely made a decision in our parenting that we are not the "god" of our children. We certainly do not control them, nor do we control the outcome of them. It is madness to try to orchestrate every detail of their life. We can't do it with our own life, so why do we think we could do it with theirs?

Don't get me wrong. We are parents who are very involved in our children's lives. We are involved in their decision making, involved in setting boundaries for them, (notice I didn't say "rules") involved and attentive in influencing them, but we try to parent with much grace. God's grace, that is. 'Cause if we didn't have that, well--it wouldn't be pretty. For them or us.

It is hard to let my teen go. I have no choice but to trust her and ultimately trust God who knows all things.

Trusting God doesn't mean that all things will fall into place the way I want them to. Trusting God with my teen doesn't mean she won't make a mistake or a bad choice. She is a human, a sinful human--as we all are. And all our attempts at parenting her "the right way" doesn't always mean that she will "turn out all right." My husband and I just try to be obedient to Him, leaving the outcome to Him. That's trusting Him.

I have come to the point in my parenting journey that I have to be okay with my kids making mistakes. I have to trust God that even if they don't make the right choice, that in the end He "does all for the good of those who love Him."(Romans 8:28) And even if I don't see that good in this lifetime, I still have to trust Him.

6 comments:

Aimee said...

really good stuff...such wisdom here.

Anonymous said...

Amen.



maddie

Prairie Chick said...

hello beautiful lady. I have been on a long blog visiting hiatus, but am comforted to visit some old haunts and see some familiar faces that bring me comfort and joy. love ya.

Children of Eve said...

Yes- Of course we must accept our kid's mistakes. And hopefully they will not hold our mistakes against us. Being honest with them, supporting each other to do better next time. Not to be morbid but, the only people who don't make mistakes are dead people!

Ticia said...

Well said. Sometimes as our children become adults we have to remind ourselves that they are ours to care for for just a short time. They belong to God.
These are very real feeling for me as my son turned 18 this year and my daughter will turn 16 this year. A subject very close to my heart.

tonia said...

mmhmmm. letting go, trusting. we have to learn as much as they do, don't we? for all these years we've been holding tight and protecting, and now we're supposed to not think too much and not protect too much and let them head out the door. yikes! my oldest is prepping to go to a community college in the fall and i can feel the tightness in my chest already...how do i let go? by grace, right?

you are doing a great job, andrea. i think the first is the hardest, because we have to train ourselves too.