1. Give them lots of space. To think, to fail, to dream, to figure out things on their own. Soon my teen will not be living with me full time. I want to be there when she fails, when she dreams, when she needs help. I want to help guide her through life while she still lives with me.
2. Laugh. A lot. My teen can be very moody. It might be partly heightened because of hormones, but she has also been like that her whole life. =) I try to not let her moods get to me. I laugh. I poke her. I sing funny songs to her. I make jokes to her. I try to make her laugh. The world is mean. I want to teach her to lighten up and let go. That it is not all serious stuff. That there is lots of grace. Laughing helps a lot of things.
3. Remember? The world is mean. I want her to want to be home. I hug her, I give her physical affection. Often we forget our older ones need that. It takes focused attention for me to do that. I want her to know I'm excited to see her. That I want her home. That home is a place for rest and rejuvenation.
4. I close my mouth. I try hard to just listen. I make gentle suggestions to her. I don't tell her what she "should" do. If I preach to her, it will just shut her up. I look for ways to creatively get across my opinion to her. It works sometimes. =)
5. We "greenhouse parent" her. We let her out of the "greenhouse" as she is nearing maturity. The final goal is to have a mature plant that will thrive outside the greenhouse. Letting go is not easy, but needed.
6. I pray. Oh, lordy, I pray. =) It really is the best thing we can do for her. God only knows those deep deep parts that I could never reach.
Like I said, I'm muddling through. I'm praying. And all my efforts won't produce a "perfect" child. In fact, I am not looking to do that. I want a child who learns to lean on the Lord when she is hurt, confused, disappointed, makes mistakes...for anything. I want a child who loves Him. Simple as that. So I do what I think He has called me to do and then I just let go and trust Him.
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These sound like such wise ideas, Andrea. (Not that I'll be parenting any teens soon, but...)
I've heard that a lot about affection: how it's still so important but harder to remember to do.
Good job, Andrea!
Thank you for this. I remember a while ago you mentioned treating her to Starbucks after school; that $3 is really a cheap price for good conversation...that really hit home as my teenage boys ALWAYS talk more if they have food in front of them. I started running thru whatever drive thru is open after I pick them up from sports, or other functions...I so much appreciate your wisdom on this and it has made a great difference!
maddie
Very wise words, Andrea. I should print this, put it in an envelope to read again in a couple of years.
I definitely agree with your first point. Leaving room for self growth is important during the teen years. I was actually just listening to a similar note in a broadcast from Mark Gregston, "Getting Out of the Way" about it. He makes the same point about not holding such a tight grip in their lives.
We are on our last teen; the other four are now older and on their own. I can't agree more with your advice. It is right on, especially the greenhouse parenting. Thank you for your tender heart.
Alejandra--that broadcast looks great! I will check it out.
Nanashouse- wow, thanks for your encouragement. It's nice to know I am headed in the right direction and my intentions are right! thanks.
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