Sunday, December 05, 2010

In remembrance of Me.



There's a smushed up communion cracker on my stairs.
I keep stepping on it, and the children step on it, and I keep meaning to pick it up, but it's the last on my list of things to do...
We got it at church today.
I gave it to the baby as we headed out the door. It was leftover from this morning's communion.
He was cranky and crying, and I thought a bite of cracker would soothe him as we walked out into the cold and into the car seat that he hates so much.
He brought it all the way home. Clutched in his pudgy hand, he gripped it tight. And let go of it as we walked up the stairs, and I put him into his bed for a much needed afternoon nap.
And I saw it on the stairs.
And we keep stepping on it.
And I need to vacuum it up or at least pick it up, but I just ignore it. Cracker blends into the rug and soon, when it's all crumbs, you don't know it's even there!
And I thought about communion in church this morning. While I held the bread and thought of His body, broken...for me. For my frustration at my computer being ruined (baby spilled water on my laptop this morning while I frantically tried to get ready..), for the lack of patience I had, for that bitterness I have kept inside me for so long that I keep asking Him for help to let go of.
And when we came home, and had lunch, and baby went to bed, and I had a much needed nap, I yelled at my children-- things like: "don't you ever listen?" and "no you cannot!!" and "the laptop does not work! you cannot use it!" And maybe some of my own frustration and bitterness came out at them?
And I took communion this morning and I thanked Jesus for His body being broken for us. And I confessed my bitterness as I always do and asked Him to help me let go of it, and then I drank the sweet juice and washed it all down, washed it all away, and I could breathe, and I snuggled up next to my husband's warm arm.
And then I come home, and yell, and there's that smushed communion cracker on the stairs and I'm stepping on it and not picking it up, but Jesus says, "the work has been done."
And He forgives me and extends much undeserved grace and love to me, not because of what I did or didn't do, but because He loves me.
And I smush that communion cracker more times than I care to admit.
But every time communion comes around, there's fresh bread and fresh juice and it flows and flows.
And so tomorrow I'll start again, and I'll keep praying about letting go of that bitterness and I'll try to speak in gentler tones, and I won't get so upset about a broken laptop because in the scheme of things
There could be worse.
But even if it was worse, I'd be like Job and say, "Though you slay me, I will trust you."
But man, that is so hard to do.
But I will keep trying keep going, because His mercies are new every morning.
And "Faithful Christians Begin Again." That's what we do.

I cleaned up the communion cracker tonight, and the floor's all clean, and I don't keep smushing it, but I keep repeating this:
"Do this in remembrance of Me."

19 comments:

Natalie said...

I keep wanting to say thank you for this beautiful post. But I think I must explain why I say it is beautiful. Your transparency for one- it heals you but it also heals me, sister. You know how I struggle. And these words could be mine. There is also beauty in your reminder to begin again- that is how we are faithful. And finally, as He has me camped in a difficult season, I know how hard it is to say "though He slay me" with Job but I am trying to say it, too. Love you, girl!

contented sparrow said...

ahhhh, yes a beautiful post, andrea
breathing His grace IN and OUT with you...
gratefully, so fresh every day,
megan

Christine said...

Oh, you speak to all of us in this, Andrea. Stepping on the gifts as we go about in our busyness. But it is in our weakness that God's strength is most evident. The forgiveness is so sweet- given again and again. Thanks for your transparency. :)

Joyfultoria said...

How utterly humbling to read. How utterly perfect, Jesus' grace is.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Andrea. Thank you for this post. Halleluia for new beginnings!
dorothy

Famaddict said...

Wow. Have you ever wanted to say something, but you didn't think it could be put into words until someone else finds the perfect ones? Amazing.

Anonymous said...

Andrea,

This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart and struggles. It was very encouraging for me, especially today. Praise God for His never ending love and mercy and forgiveness and grace.

Sara

Jessica said...

thank-you- much needed this morning!

Heather said...

Such a humbling analogy. This is so often true of "life after communion" around here too. Bless you for your honesty, which teaches the rest of us.

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

So grateful that . . . His mercies are new every morning. GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS.

Thanks for this beautiful reminder.

Fondly,
Glenda

Anonymous said...

Sigh...thank you so much for being candid with us. I don't like to admit that I feel that way so often. Thank you for putting my feelings into words...it helps me to heal. Merry Christmas Blessings! Gwen

Sandi said...

thanks for these words.

Graceful said...

Coming over from Ann Voskamp's place, and it's lovely to meet you here. I am so grateful for your raw honesty -- I yell, too, and far too often -- and grateful, too, for His grace.

Stephanie said...

Thank you for sharing the tenderness of your heart and fraility of your humanity....and for exposing God's grace as the lovely and free gift it is. Beautiful post!

Louise Jane said...

Thanks for sharing x

daniele @ domestic serenity said...

Thank you for sharing Andrea...
yes, there is grace enough, right? Beautiful reminder.

tonia said...

this is exquisite, andrea. such an image! thank you.

Children of Eve said...

Andrea-
I am so glad that I didn't read this when it was first posted, because I need it RIGHT NOW.

Crystal said...

wow, what sweet words!!! I love this. Thankyou for sharing your life on your blog : inspiring and encouraging others in the walk.