Every other Thursday

Every other Thursday night my good friend Eve hosts a "ladies craft night" at her house.

It is such an ingenious idea:

{me knitting}

{my knitting basket}

It's a few of us that sit around her kitchen table, knitting or crocheting....

....eating good food together....

{baby blanket for a baby much prayed for}

Eve is so talented and crafty and so generous in sharing her crafty knowledge with all of us.

But my favorite part of every other Thursday?

the fellowship.

the laughter.

the prayers.

the sharing of hearts.

living in community.

Boo-tiful.

"mama, the sky is boo-tiful.."

...watching the sunset with my boy..

Bring them unto Me

Lately, the book being read in my house several times a day, per my toddler's request, is the very sweet (and repetitive) Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney. It's not necessarily a favorite of mine, but certainly a much welcome change from Goodnight Moon, or " 'Night Oon", as my little boy says. This book has us all beating one another to the punch: I love you higher than the moon! I love you higher than heaven! I love you higher than one hundred sixty five! And so on. It's also given us leeway to talk about love. Mama, I love you THIS MUCH, but I love Jesus more. Yes, darling, me too. It sounds so strange to say I love Jesus more than you; my own flesh and blood, who I would die for, but I do. That's the way it should be. He made us, we love Him best. Which also gives us leeway to discuss Abraham and Issac, and the fact that God wanted Abraham to sacrifice his only son on an altar. It sounds so strange, but that's the way God wanted to know Abraham trusted Him. That's love. You know I love my children...mere words could not express, and that is the truth. So when I worry about them, I'm continually having to put them on His altar. I'm continually having to trust Him. To accept His grace. It seems so strange to say I love them so much I will place them on that scary altar; but I know in the end, they are truly in His hands. And I'm much the wiser for it.

Children are a precious gift from God, but much anxiety comes with them. They may be a great joy or a great bitterness to their parents. They may be filled with the Spirit of God or possessed with the spirit of evil. In all cases, the Word of God gives us one prescription for the curing of all their ills. "Bring them [unto] me." ...We must never cease to pray until they cease to breathe. No case is hopeless while Jesus lives. The Lord sometimes allows his people to be driven into a corner so that they may know how necessary He is to them. Ungodly children, when they show us our own powerlessness against the depravity of their hearts, drive us to flee the Strong One for strength, and this is a great blessing to us. ~Charles Spurgeon "Morning and Evening"

from the archives: October 2007

Enough

"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here..."

~Brooke Fraser  "C.S. Lewis Song"

One of the recurring "themes" in my life this past year is realizing that "God is enough.". When I think of those three simple words, it is easy to say--"yes, I believe that." But when I dig deeper, it is so evident that these words hold more than I think.

I've had to accept that in many things in my life, the Lord gives me the cake--Him--and that the icing is "extra". When I start to question Him or feel discontentment, then I say to myself --"God is enough".

I find that those three words are the perfect answer to many of life's questions.

Going deeper, I find myself replacing the Lord with earthly desires that never last.

Feeling lonely? I call or get together with a friend.

Empty? Fill it up with a special trip somewhere, food, or a similar diversion.

When I started to recognize this in myself, it was shocking to see how much I replace or stuff my feelings with food, stuff, outings--basically diversions.

It has made me aware that when I have feelings of loneliness, emptiness, sadness, questioning, that instead of trying to cover those feelings up with any number of things, that immediately I need to go to my Creator who made me and can give me comfort in ways that are lasting and that are enough.  I have realized in my own personal situation that it is a sin to not go to Him. He promises to fulfill every need, and when I ignore Him, I am sinning. So I ask for forgiveness, repent, and then go to Him.

I loved  Aimee's post: Hiding behind stuff . It really uncovered in me many emotional aspects of filling up negative emotions with things and reconfirming that God is enough.

I do feel that emotions are not to be stuffed down, they are to be examined and questioned and brought to the surface. Feelings and emotions are God-given, and though we shouldn't act on emotions, we should explore them, but in the end trust that the Lord is in control and can heal emotions.

Is God enough in your life?

Contentment

"A man said to the universe:

'Sir, I exist!'

'However,' replied the universe,

'The fact has not created in me

A sense of obligation.' "

"In his famous poem, Stephan Crane reminds us of an important truth: God is not indebted to us. If life is boring, then it is boring. We work to make it better, but our duty throughout the working is contentment. If life is tough, so it is tough. Our duty is contentment. If there is suffering, why would we expect anything different? Our duty is contentment."

~Richard Swenson "Margin"

C.S. Lewis song

"C.S. Lewis Song"

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know You

Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

from Brooke Fraser
(who I am loving now)

Pretty pleasures

Daffodils in my windowsill...

Daffodils always remind me of my grandmother...

A new-to-me cup found thrifting.

Perfect for my morning coffee.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Good reads

A great balanced post on "me time" (or "self-care" or whatever other word you want to use instead of the un-PC "me time" ;)

Let the mother go out to play!

My friend Natalie wrote a really good post on caring for ourselves:

Self-Care

Dear Flourishing Mother,

Hi Flourishing Mother,

I've been reading your blog for a long time (about 2 years).

I started reading when I became a new mother and was a stay-at-home mom.

I started to feel a lot like the emotions you posted about.

I had never really felt that way before. Before I had my baby, I worked in my career for 8 years.

Now I've returned to work.

And I have to say, your posts are recurring themes. They're always about finding time for yourself and I noticed you even labeled/tagged the post burn-out.

I'm really curious what your job was before kids? Have you ever thought of going back to work? Either in your previous field or something else?

You seem burned-out and like you have too much time that is taken up by housework and kids, and while that is really rewarding in and of itself, your search for self might be looking for something outside of the home.

Good luck! :)

I received this anonymous comment on my post Me time. First of all, my M.O. is to immediately delete any anonymous comments. If you can't at least leave a name, then I don't feel respected. And furthermore, anonymous comments usually fall into the "What the What?" category. 

This particular anonymous commenter stated they have been reading my blog for over 2 years.....
Really?
Because if you were.....then you would know that my blog has many, many, more themes than finding time for myself and burn-out. 

Sheesh.
But.....when I think about it, the past two years have been a lot about that for me.
In the summer of 2008 I experienced a time of deep anxiety and depression.
I am extremely, extremely scared to ever go there again.
I never want to be in that place.
With biblical counseling, learning to trust the Lord, and learning how to care for myself better, I have come out of that place successfully and learned so much about myself, others, and (Praise God) the Lord.
It has given me a heart for moms in the trenches.
Moms who give, give, give, and do not think about themselves.
Moms who push their own needs aside again and again--so much that they lose themselves--who God made them to be.
Moms who desperately love their family, but are unhealthy under their own yoke, and cannot care for them wholly.
So--that is why I write about these things. If I can make one mom realize that she is suffering and it causes her to ask for help, then I am happy.

Dear "Anonymous",
I am doing the job I love. I have no desire to work outside the home. I got married right out of college and never worked at a job. My job was always house holding and I am fully satisfied and blessed in that endeavor, despite the many, many challenges.
But thank you for caring.
And next time, at least leave your name.
Warmly,
"Flourishing Mother"

Happy Monday

A little green on the trees....

green grass...

Spring is here....

Enjoying my backyard sunsets....

Have a happy Monday!

"Me time"

In some Christian women and homeschooling circles, the words "me time" are like curse words.

People shy away from saying things like "I need some me time" for fear it sounds selfish or less sacrificial as a mother. I know this because I used to think that way.

Personally, I think everyone needs some "me time". Time to explore what God created you for. What makes you happy.  Time to spend with Him in thought--walking with Him in dailiness to discover the inmost parts that He created in each one of us. The things that make us unique, the things that revive us and rejuvenate us.

I know many advocate walking with the Lord in dailiness by saying, "converse with Him while doing dishes or laundry"--and I get that--I do...with five children and a household to run I think I can say "I get that." But that doesn't always cut it for me. I mean, can you really ever complete a thought with five children around?

Some people are wired differently. You may not need as much quiet time to think as I do. That's fine. I just found that when I tried to fit the mold of someone else: "Hey, they don't need to get away from their children and home every once in awhile! I shouldn't either!" then I was miserable in a deep part of me and I didn't really realize it until I was deep in anxiety and depression and just general ill health. That's why I believe we need time to meditate on Psalm 139; how He made and knows us, knows all the hairs on our heads, knows what makes us tick....or not.

You might say, "Well, women in the older times never had "me time"." And to that, I say, well---yeah. But this isn't older times. And a lot is different now. 

I think "me time" has been "Oprah-cized" to the point where we might now associate "me time" with mani/pedis (which I desperately LOVE to do) and champagne play-dates (which I most certainly do NOT do). 

I'm just sayin'-let's be careful not to group it all under one roof. And exercise a little common sense and grace and mercy and love--to ourselves and others. 

Karen Andreola was one of the first home school writers to actually talk about taking time for yourself as a mother. She even trademarked it Mother Culture and says :

During years of research Karen revived Mother Culture, an obscure term from the past, and has coined the phrase for today’s busy hardworking homeschooling mom. This is her favorite message to give, as the joys and advantages of Mother Culture overflow into the family circle.

Although she never used the term Mother Culture, Charlotte Mason noticed that "the old painters, however diverse their ideas in other matters, all fixed upon one quality as proper to the pattern of Mother. The Madonna, [mother with her children], no matter out of whose canvas she looks at you, is always serene. . . . we should do well to hang our walls with the Madonnas of all the early Masters [of art] if the lessons, taught through the eye, would reach with calming influence to the heart."

Charlotte believed that this countenance of contentment, of serenity, can come about even during stressful times when a mother learns to occasionally do for herself what she does for her children - go out to play. Charlotte tells us we would have happier households if we mothers "would only have courage to let everything go when life becomes too tense, and just take a day, or a half a day, out in the fields, or with a favorite book, or in a picture gallery. . ." For a mother to allow herself a bit of leisure to rest and refresh herself by exploring her own interests, to find a little time for herself, especially when so many others depend on her, is a what Karen calls, Mother Culture ®.

When a busy homeschooling mother takes part in Mother Culture she safeguards her enthusiasm, so she will be better able to cope with her responsibilities. To partake in Mother Culture is to feed herself with the Word of God, with ideas from books, nature, art, music, etc., thus taking care to keep growing spiritually and mentally. If there such is a thing as the joy of childhood, there is also such a thing as the joy of motherhood, and Karen admonishes mothers to recognize and live within such a blessing.

Ideas:
~Spend an afternoon in the park
~Piddle about your house--devoting the day to making your home a warmer, happier, place. (my favorite.)
~Go for a walk by yourself.
~Read a good book all day. Don't feel guilty. =)

Granted, we don't all have the luxury of making these things happen, but if we make them a priority, then they will be more likely to happen in some way. Mothers can be so creative with their time!
I know that I feel more like being a nurturer when I nurture myself and allow the Lord to nurture me with His words and His love. Some need more than others. The Lord knows this. Seek Him for your "me time"!

Related:
Skeleton self-care in challenging times
Taking time for you
Rest
Sabbath rest enforced
Take good care
Mother Culture and you

A little slice of Heaven

Meeting blog friends, to me, is like a little slice of Heaven.

I have met two "blog friends" and both times they were experiences that I just could never adequately put into words. Here you follow a particular person's sometimes intimate place (blog)--knowing a lot of the details of their inmost heart...

but never really hearing about what their favorite meal is or what they've got going on next week.

So, meeting them in person, you have an instant soul connection.

So much about blogging is about baring your soul (however detailed you want to be or not) and so meeting someone in person you feel like you  know  them.

It's how I imagine Heaven. Connecting with others on a soul level--knowing their heart but perhaps never knowing them in person while on earth.

It's a beautiful thing.

So whenever I get the chance to meet a "blog friend", I try to make it happen.

I will drive and arrange child care to meet a precious soul.

I will do what it takes.

Last week I had the privilege of meeting Aimee and Laurel:

Aimee, Laurel, and I were pregnant all within 2 weeks of each other. Aimee and I with our fifth, and Laurel with her fourth. We didn't do much blogging those first few months of pregnancy, but we all were on facebook together, reading each other status' of "how sick and tired we were" and how "we didn't know how we were going to get through this."

I can't tell you what a blessing it was to know these women were going through the same emotions and physical feelings as I was. The Lord was so gracious and good to give us all each other during a hard time in all of our lives. We rejoiced with each other when we felt better enough to get back into the kitchen, we sympathized when we had done too much while pregnant and had to stay on the couch to rest all day, and of course we loved everyone's announcements when our three little boys made their debut into this world. (oh i want to cry!)

So to see these sweet little angels all on the grass together was such a testimony to the glory of God and how faithful and good He is...

(l to r: Wilder, Lee, Luke)

A little slice of Heaven, indeed.

Mama Monday

I am so excited to bring to you a special and dear friend as Mama Monday today. Elise is the amazing writer of the blog A Path Made Straight

Surely, you must have read her....

A precious soul..

A beautiful inspiration to mamas..

I even had the privilege of meeting her! (here.)

Ladies, I bring you:

Elise

What is the greatest thing about being a mom? Oh, my. I am hard pressed to think of the GREATEST thing... but one of the aspects of motherhood I really appreciate is the accountability! It is completely one-sided, because my children don't (so far!) point out my errors (so is that accountability, then?)... but because of fruit I see in my children, I am daily convicted and motivated to build my own character, to tackle problem areas, to be on my face before God because I am a living, breathing example to them. It refines me wonderfully at the same time, so yes, it is a great thing.

(A close second would be the super vocabulary- have you ever noticed how many times a day you have to define words for your children? In terms they will understand? What a wonderful exercise for the mind of a mama!)

What is the hardest thing about being a mom? It probably goes hand-in-hand with the first part of my last answer: being the thermostat of the household. Having this handful of beautiful little eyes watching my behavior, mimicking it whether they try to or not. Knowing this is overwhelming, difficult, impossible to master... again, that's when I find myself flat on my face before God. Grace.

What are your favorite blogs/websites? My favorites are those which can be read within a couple of minutes; beautiful, simple words that are food for thought for my day, that don't make me feel pressured to leave a comment, where I don't feel burdened by someone else's idea of perfection...
So I'll share just a few of my almost-daily reads (although there are many others I try to visit as often as I can (Flourishing Mother ohsoverymuch included!):

A Holy Experience (one of my very first friends in the blog world five years ago- and she becomes more beautiful every single day. Inside and out. So many of our family traditions are inspired by her words...)

Pilgrim's Inn (Sarah Clarkson, a poet, a wordsmith; thoughts pour from her fingertips so effortlessly, and I am bolstered, encouraged every time I visit. Always walk away wondering, Now, why didn't I think of that?)

Elisabeth Elliot's Daily Devotional (Oh, what a way to start my every day!)

How do you find balance in your life? Do you mean, how do I try to find balance in my life? :) Well, I can't remember where I read this (and if anyone knows, do remind me!), but it had to do with a teeter totter, and how it is never really still when both sides are in the air; balance is a continuous motion, achieved (or attempted) by balancing both ends of the seesaw equally. I like to think of my days in this way; striving to keep unnecessary "weight" off of my plate- thinking, Am I struggling too hard to keep everything in the air? Am I about to come crashing to the ground because I'm cramming and holding too much on my lap? The mental image of mops and emails and homemade bread and organic garden plants flying off of the falling teeter totter makes me giggle, and the lightness I feel when I step back and reassess my "list" after the burden has been lifted helps me to move forward... or back up into the air. It's a constant, daily focus, this trying to find and keep balance in our lives, yes? But it is such a comfort to look across the seesaw and into His eyes, remembering He's balancing the other end.

What is one word that describes you? I really could not think of a good word- wondering, a personality quirk? A spiritual one? One describing my looks? So I asked my husband! :) He said that I'm Intentional. He said that in everything I do, whether it is as a wife, or in my relationship with the Lord, in my mothering, homemaking, relating, cooking... I am intentional. I love that!

(Somehow, I don't think he was trying to capture my intentionality in this picture he snapped of me on his cell phone- we were at our favorite date location- Barnes and Noble! He was sneaky and took four different pictures in five minutes- my husband also thinks I'm beautiful. And I love that, too!)

Favorite color? Pink. :)

What are your hobbies/interests? Laughing. Writing. Hiking the beautiful, mountainous trails of Utah with my family. Cooking. Creating atmosphere. (Candles and cookie-laden tea trays during schoolwork. Lanterns and music during dinner. And always, always, piles of laundry and dirty dishes for an equalizer. I'm a completely and utterly human mama. :)

What couldn't you live without? After Jesus, of course? Then my husband. Yes. Well, books! I really couldn't. Whether I'm racing Corban to the encyclopedias to look up a beaver lodge and see what evidence there is to prove a thoughtful and creative God, or stepping over little ones to get to my cookbook cupboard for a new recipe for our monthly menu, or collapsing into bed and reaching for some end-of-the-day inspiration, I need books. I suppose I could live without them, but what would the alternative be? The Internet? Nothing? Egads. No, thank you. (The older and mustier the book, the better, in my opinion. Oh, gladly.)

What helps you through tough days? Three things:

First of all, stepping away. My bedroom is the best place for me. Door shut for even just a moment, knees to the bedside (an archaic gesture, perhaps, but it physically weakens my resolve to "stand on my own two feet"), and a quiet, sometimes tearful, prayer for help. Even if it's just a few moments - sixty seconds - it is enough. While I'm in there, I might toss an item or two off of my seesaw.

Second, laughter. Whether astonished, exasperated, or truly happy, laughter captures my thoughts and refocuses them. It's a physical release, a distraction from the worry, a reminder of what is truly important. So I try to actively look for sources of laughter. Fortunately, in my case, I do not have to look far; I have four hilarious, exuberant children, and a husband who is milk-coming-out-your-nose funny! (And I'm pretty klutzy. So, (unless it is a certain time of the month) I can laugh uproariously at myself, too. Picture my foot getting stuck in a Tupperware container while I'm making dinner!)

Yes, my girl likes to do this WHILE I'm cooking! See? Just laugh!

And third, music.

Music from the stereo. I keep a file on the stereo that holds Coulter and Hymns, and the action of hitting "play" never fails to breathe peace.

Music from a son, called to practice his piano. (The practice songs are still simple and short; however music of any kind, but especially from the fingertips of my little men, ministers to my heart.)

Music from my lips, or my children's. Even if it's saying "Yes" to singing a Psalm for a little lady who is heading to the basement for the colored pencils and is frightened of the dark. Sung loudly "so I can hear, Mama!", I am hard-pressed to scowl and sigh my way through this comforting act.

When I am afraid I will trust in You,
I will trust in You,
I will trust in You.
When I am afraid I will trust in You;
in God whose word I praise.

What has the Lord been speaking to you lately? Discerning Distraction. I am learning that what may seem like a distraction is just a wrench He's thrown down to cause me to turn and go His way... I've become quite adept at picking up the wrench and holding it to the sky- 'Scuse me, did You drop this? It's in my way! And He has kindly thrown it back down and gently whispered, I want it there. Turn. Not everything is just a "distraction"... I'm trying to be more discerning in those moments, not getting aggravated, but looking closer at where I was heading. Is it my path, or His?

What do you like best about yourself? A listening ear comes immediately to mind. Many of my relationships have been forged in the fires of confession, when one needs to talk, spill, agonize... and I have found that simply listening is such an encouragement. I am thankful for the kind of personality that is rather timid, so never wanting to say the wrong thing, I listen long before I speak.

If you could encourage a young mother, what would you say? This is the most important job in the world! But it is also the hardest. So cry, question, worry, wonder... but let it all lead you to the throne of grace. He will gladly join you in this yoke and shoulder the bulk of the burden Himself. Never, ever try to carry it alone! (I am no longer a "young" mother, but I most assuredly still need to hear these words. Daily.)

What is one book you would recommend to read (besides the Bible)? One? One? Well. Let Me Be a Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot. I return to this one again and again and again. Short and so very sweet. Motivating. Convicting. It's a classic that should be in the hands of every woman.

Thank you Elise!! I will treasure these words, as I am sure will many others!! Don't forget to stop by Elise's beautiful place and say "hello"!