Amidst

I heard a beautiful birth story yesterday.

Was it an easy birth? No. (almost 20 hours labor and 3 hours pushing.)

Were there complications? Yes. (The placenta had to be surgically removed.)

Was the recovery easy? No. She passed out twice going to the bathroom and had to have two blood transfusions to stabilize her blood pressure and her pulse.

By all regards this should have been an easy, uncomplicated birth. She was in excellent shape, there were no complications in the pregnancy......

When I explain my first birth I like to say, "it was 18 hours long, I had a third degree tear, it was soooo hard...".

But, here, I heard something different. I heard God's mercy, His loving chastisement to her, His preparation for her in becoming a mother, her love for His will.

It was just so beautiful. She's going to be a great mama.

I need to be like that more. I need to ask myself :"What will be magnified?"
Will it be the pain, the struggle? Or the mercy and grace?
The Plan B's amidst all the Plan A's? Or the grace that saw me through?
The dirty dishes or the family dinner?
The depression and anxiety or the deep truths learned?

The confusion or the clarity?
I need to see Him more amidst it all.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
~Psalm 91:4

Beginning Again

Tonight was one of those nights. The baby was whiny and clingy. I was trying to make dinner, shoes needed to be tied and untied, rain jackets zipped and unzipped, my husband was running 15 minutes late, and I was just plain tired.

I had to keep the baby up so my husband could get to see him for a few minutes before he went to bed. But he was ready for bed. And I was ready for him to go to bed. Have you ever tried keeping a whiny, tired baby up? Yeah. You know.

I raised my voice to the kids. Okay, I confess. I hollered at them. "Come inside!" "Go wash your hands!" "Now!!!" If they weren't listening to me talk sweet then I was a-raisin' my voice. All my pent up anger of the day and the frustration of the night came out in those few words.  It feels good...momentarily.

When my husband came home 15 minutes late (and 15 minutes seems like an eternity when dinner's waitin' and you've got a baby on your hip) and said, "you all start without me, I will put the baby to bed"--well, I decided I'd best holler at him, too. 

When dinner was done, and I had a few moments to myself to reflect on my behavior, and sigh, and wonder if I'll ever get it right, the words I once read at Elizabeth Foss came to me:

"Faithful Christians Begin Again."

That is what we do.

We start. We stop. We fail. We try again. We fail again. But we always Begin Again.

It's like the way I try to parent my children. Through Biblical Parenting I have learned a technique where I allow my children a sort of "time out" to think about their wrong behavior. They have to tell me what they did wrong. I ask, "what should you have done?" They tell me. And then, the crucial part is looking them kindly in the eye and saying, "well...let's try again! I know you can do it!"

(Taking a break and Positive Conclusion)

(For another great resource related to the site read Parenting is Heart Work)

So, I began again.

I went to each child and my husband and apologized for my behavior. I asked for forgiveness. I gave myself some grace. I took a deep breath. I began again.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. ~Philippians 4:9

How to love your teenager

First off, I am no expert at this. I am muddling through the teenage years, always questioning myself and never knowing the "right" way to do things. But I do know how to love my teen. That is what this is about.

1. Give them lots of space. To think, to fail, to dream, to figure out things on their own. Soon my teen will not be living with me full time. I want to be there when she fails, when she dreams, when she needs help. I want to help guide her through life while she still lives with me.

2. Laugh. A lot. My teen can be very moody. It might be partly heightened because of hormones, but she has also been like that her whole life. =) I try to not let her moods get to me. I laugh. I poke her. I sing funny songs to her. I make jokes to her. I try to make her laugh. The world is mean. I want to teach her to lighten up and let go. That it is not all serious stuff. That there is lots of grace. Laughing helps a lot of things.

3. Remember? The world is mean. I want her to want to be home. I hug her, I give her physical affection. Often we forget our older ones need that. It takes focused attention for me to do that. I want her to know I'm excited to see her. That I want her home. That home is a place for rest and rejuvenation. 

4. I close my mouth. I try hard to just listen. I make gentle suggestions to her. I don't tell her what she "should" do. If I preach to her, it will just shut her up. I look for ways to creatively get across my opinion to her. It works sometimes. =)

5. We "greenhouse parent" her. We let her out of the "greenhouse" as she is nearing maturity. The final goal is to have a mature plant that will thrive outside the greenhouse. Letting go is not easy, but needed.

6. I pray. Oh, lordy, I pray. =) It really is the best thing we can do for her. God only knows those deep deep parts that I could never reach.

Like I said, I'm muddling through. I'm praying. And all my efforts won't produce a "perfect" child. In fact, I am not looking to do that. I want a child who learns to lean on the Lord when she is hurt, confused, disappointed, makes mistakes...for anything. I want a child who loves Him. Simple as that. So I do what I think He has called me to do and then I just let go and trust Him.

Making memories

My daughters (9 and 8) spent all morning making art out of glitter glue, sequins and feathers. They got the fabulous idea to sell them to make "more money." They priced them, took out tables and chairs in the front yard for the "store", and fought about who does what.

I didn't have the heart to tell them that most likely no one (except for me or their father) would be interested in their priceless creations. For we all know, the fun is in the planning in these sorts of things.

How do I know this? When I was about 8 years old, my best friend in elementary school and I decided to make our own store. We spent weeks gathering things we did not want anymore from our rooms, thinking of what we would name the store and picking the date to sell everything. Of course we had no idea what we were doing. We thought people would just "know" we were selling things in her backyard and that cars would magically drive by her house and say "wow look at this!". We made our sign, we called the store "Little Things". We arranged our little things on the back deck of my friend's yard. (We sang "We're in the money!" while we did this) and then we waited. Waited and waited. We went to her front yard. One single car passed by and slowly backed up to read our sign in the front yard. "Come on! Come on!!" we jumped up and down trying to get this person to come to our store. No such luck.

Ahh, but the memories of this. I still smile to myself thinking of our big intentions, of singing "we're in the money". Of waiting. And waiting.

I let my girls go on with their plan because I knew they were making memories. I knew what the outcome would be, but I still let them do their plan. I knew the joy and the memories (and maybe disappointments) that would come out of it.

It's sort of like us, in that place where we are questioning God: "Why does this have to be?". In our darkness, we think He has overlooked us. Perhaps He is waiting, letting us experience the memories -- good and bad, knowing full well the outcome.

The law of kindness...

I cleaned out my bag that I took to the

Living Proof Live with Beth Moore

on Saturday.

Can you see?

Lots of tissues.

Lots of notes.

Here is the main thing I have learned:

to be kind.

Jesus' kind of Kind.

"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness."

~Proverbs 31:26

The law of Kindness.

One thing she said that tripped me up:

"Kindness is not weakness."

Oh, boy, that got me.

Big time.

It made me cry.

I don't want to be taken advantage of because of my kindness.

When someone treats me unkind, and I am just being kind to them, I want to be treated with kindness!!!

Don't you?

It doesn't always happen...with non-Christians, even Christians.

Now that is hard to understand.

But I can't let others define me.

Can't let the World define me..

put me in a box, a mold,

squeeze me.

No, I must renew my mind with the Word, not the World.

If God says to be Kind, then I will.

If someone doesn't respond to my kindness...

so what?

I did what God wanted me to do.

(more on kindness later.....this event was sooo good!)

Mama Monday

Today's Mama Monday is the sweet and genuine Stacy from the blog With Great Joy.
Stacy says on her blog: 

It is with great joy that I get to be a child of the King, wife to my best friend and husband, Mark, and mommy to the five beautiful children God has entrusted to us (ages 8, 6, 5, 2 and 1.)

Stacy's sweet spirit comes across beautifully in all her posts. I love glimpses into her home and I secretly wished she lived next door so her oldest daughter could be friends with my 9 year old daughter.... (and of course so Stacy and I could be neighbors and friends!!!)
She is so down-to-earth and very resourceful, always sharing "what works" for her in her home schooling days. I never feel overwhelmed with her ideas....she presents them so simply, thoughtfully and gracefully, which makes me think: "I could do this!"
I have also enjoyed even more glimpses of her days by becoming friends with her on facebook!!!
I do not know her in person, but her joy as a role as a wife and mother is evident in her words.
Ladies...it is "With Great Joy" I bring you.....
Stacy

*Greatest thing about being a mom—
When I was a young girl, all I wanted in life was to grow up and be a wife and mother.

You can imagine, then, how difficult it was when my husband and I struggled with infertility. We wondered if we would even be able to have children, and our heartache over that was almost suffocating. (Now, ten years later we have been blessed with five (!) beautiful children, but at the time we couldn't comprehend such joy in our future.)

As difficult as that season of infertility was, it has given me such perspective for these current days of motherhood. I remember well that feeling of despair and the longing to be a mother, and I am daily filled with wonder that I get to do this! What a wonderful, generous God to entrust these precious children into our care! I truly love being a mama, and the greatest thing for me is just the joy of delighting in my children. I love the things they say and do: their expressions and antics and the things they find hilarity in. I love watching each of their personalities unfold. I love getting to witness their active imaginations and hear the tales of their discoveries. I find it such a privilege to be able to be with these little persons, day in and day out.

*Hardest thing about being a mom—
Oh, there are many hard things, but the hardest is most definitely the constant unveiling of my own sin.

When I was engaged to be married or newly-married, (I can’t remember which) people would talk about how that first year or two of marriage was just the hardest; that it revealed your own sin and selfishness in a whole new way. I kept waiting for that to happen, and it never did. I could not figure out what people were talking about. Our first year was wonderful. I loved marriage and everything about it. Still do. (Which only goes to show that God has blessed me with The Most Patient Husband Ever).

It is motherhood that has done that for me more than marriage. It is this role of being a mother that has revealed the ugliness of my sin in a way I’ve never before experienced. It is motherhood that has shown me my utter selfishness, my impatience, my lack of self-control, my indifference and stubborn willfulness at times, my favoritism, my critical spirit, my astounding lack of grace... (and the list goes on and on and on). Again and again I am reminded of what a wretched sinner I am. It is being a mother that has brought me time and time again to my knees for the ugliness in my heart, and has grown me in gratefulness for the grace that is offered to me through Jesus Christ.


*Favorite blogs/websites—
Let’s see... there are a lot of blogs that I read or at least check in on occasionally, but there are two that come to mind immediately. I have read the words of these two women in particular for *years* and I continue to find inspiration and encouragement there:

Elise {A Path Made Straight}
Kendra {Preschoolers and Peace}


*How do you find balance in your life—
Prayer. Just continually seeking Him throughout my days. Little snippets of prayers offered up to Him (for strength, wisdom, help, discernment, whatever-the-case-may-be).

Also, my husband, who serves tirelessly and makes sure I get that balance. Once a week, on his day off, he pushes me out the door and tells me to go~ to take a break. And I go. But even when we’re home, together, all of us- he is continually serving and giving of himself, and it’s a huge gift to me.

*One word that describes you—
I’m never good at these types of questions. I finally settled on this one:
Expressive.

I chose that word because I talk with my hands, my voice gets louder when I’m excited about something, and I’m a hugger. I love to laugh, and have been known to jump up and down when I’m excited about something. I tear up easily when I’m sad or moved by something. I’m passionate and opinionated about things and have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I love to tell and read stories, and I can be quite dramatic. (I also tend to write with lots of exclamation points, smiley faces, and italics. So bear with me. :))

*Favorite color--
That depends. If I’m choosing a game piece I always choose yellow, because it’s sunny and bright and cheery. If I’m going to wear it? I’d choose any shade in blues or greens.

*Hobbies/interests---
Really, anything to do with my family and home. So... I love to cook and bake, which is a perk since I do a fair bit of it! I enjoy trying new recipes or taking an existing recipe and making it new by changing it up. I love homeschooling our children, and all that entails. I am a voracious reader. I journal daily and have done so for years. I like to sew, quilt, or knit in the Fall/Winter months. I like playing board games. I like to plant a garden and glean a harvest from it.

*Favorite thing to wear---
Nearly every day I wear cozy yoga-type pants and a t-shirt. (So basically: glorified pajamas. ;)) When I leave the house I do put a little more effort into my outfit, but I am most comfortable- even out of the house- in jeans and a comfy shirt or sweater.

*What the Lord has been speaking to you about lately—
This: Live simply so that you are able to give generously.
This is actually a constant refrain; a faithful message from God to me. Over and over again in my life, He brings me back to this. It’s something we (as a couple, as a family) try to be really purposeful about. Sure, there are things we’d like and we have dreams of a bigger house and some land and a small farm, but we *choose* to live here, to be content here- so that we are able to give generously, and we look for ways to increase our giving each year.

Recently I read aloud a biography of George Mueller to my kids, which inspired me on so many levels. This guy is one of my heroes. Mueller was a man of great faith, he was devoted to prayer, he sought to help those in need around him (namely the orphans in Bristol), and he lived simply but gave generously. Reading this book brought this point home to me all over again. We are so rich, and I just want to be way more concerned about giving than getting.

*What do you like best about yourself—
Another one of those challenging questions, Andrea! If you were sitting across the table from me I would so make *you* answer this, too! :)

Hm. I think what I like best about myself is that I am intentionally, continually striving for growth in my relationship with God (and-- as a result of that-- with others). I don’t EVER want to become complacent; I truly want to keep growing, keep loving Jesus more through each season of my life. I want to know His word, I want to grow more in listening to His voice, I want to grow in prayer and worship and adoration of Him. So I continue to read, to pray, to journal, to study, and to examine the practices in my life and the habits of my heart~ lining them up to Scripture so that I might know Him and obey Him as well as I possibly can.

*On a day without children I would--
What a fun question! I think as a mother of little ones it’s easy to get lost in your role. There are times I’ve tearfully said to Mark, “I feel like I’m just Mommy these days. I can’t even remember what it’s like to be Stacy anymore...” Some of that is good, in that this is my God-given role and with it come sacrifices, but I also think it’s important to keep nurturing those passions that God uniquely created in me.

So, on a Stacy-day, I would do these things: Get myself some coffee at a drive-through espresso place, l’d listen to my kind of music (loudly and singing along with it). I’d go to a bookstore and peruse the shelves. I’d head to my favorite park with my Bible and journal. I’d walk by the water. I might go shopping. I’d make time to do something creative: sew or quilt or make something. And then I’d get dressed up and go out on a dinner date with Mark and end the day by watching a movie (complete with our favorite snacks: guacamole and chips for the salty and ice cream for the sweet) with him.

Oh Stacy, that sounds dreamy! I think I'd do the same thing!{Andrea}

*Adoption is--
Adoption is... our response to God’s words to look after the fatherless. (James 1:27, Psalm 82: 3-4, Psalm 68:5).

It is also beautiful, life-changing, enriching, and wondrous. It is at the same time challenging and heart-wrenching. But it is so central to the heart of God, and we are privileged to have been able to adopt two beautiful children.

*If I could encourage a new mother, I would say--
Oh, I would want to hug her and say, “What an amazing journey you are on! Treasure it, all of it~ even the messes and the noise and the weariness~ and pray like crazy!” Also, as a new mother it is easy to be overwhelmed with what you SHOULD do (hospital vs. birthing center vs. home birth... breast feeding vs. bottle-feeding... let your baby cry it out vs rocking your baby to sleep, to name just a few). There are just so many strong opinions on both sides of every issue. I would want to encourage a new mother to not fret or be anxious about all of those things (God will lead you and your husband to what works for *your* little family) and to simply embrace the joys and wonder of it all!

*One book you would recommend to read--(besides the Bible)
Aack. It is difficult to limit myself to just one. Can I give two recommendations?

Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala
This is the story of a pastor who came to shepherd a struggling congregation in the inner-city, and the ways in which-- through prayer-- God led him to reach out to the broken and hurting around him: the prostitutes, drug addicts, and the homeless, who are now members of a thriving church called The Brooklyn Tabernacle. This book, and others by Cymbala, has shaped my prayer life more than any other book outside of the Bible.

The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
I read this book at a time in my life when I desperately needed to be reminded of the truths within it. Manning writes of the extravagant grace and love of our Father, that you don’t ever need to be “good enough”, nor could you never earn God’s favor- but that He simply and freely gives it because of His great love.

***
Thank you Stacy!!!

The Messy Beautiful

Taking care of you

Many of you know my passion for mothers to take time out to care for themselves. It is my passion because for so long I did not do it. Then, when a crisis occurred, I could not deal with it properly, and became anxiety-ridden and depressed.

I always thought that being a Christian mother meant sacrifice. It does. But it doesn't mean sacrifice beyond what you can handle. You have to make time to care for yourself, because time to care for yourself will never be there. It has to be created.

I really enjoyed this post about the physical ways your body can be affected by stress. Like Stacy, my adrenals were shot. My chiropractor gave me some supplements that would rebuild and maintain my adrenals. I can't tell you how much help it has been for me. My emotions are in check, instead of out of whack, I think more clearly, and I just feel better. A lot of times it is a physical problem that makes you feel bad. It can also be emotional or spiritual. We are "fearfully and wonderfully made". We should treat ourselves as such. We were given the gift of a wonderful body, soul, and spirit and we should be good stewards of it.

Aimee has a wonderful post encouraging mothers to take care of themselves as this busy school year begins.
What is one thing you can do to take better care of yourself?

How can you make time for that in your life? (you have to!)

What is one thing you can do every week to make you happy? Make that a priority.

I will remember

The day began like most days: got up, got my 2 children breakfast, started to rock the baby to sleep, while the eldest got ready for homeschool; and then I got the phone call:

"Where is [husband's name]?" said my mom, with an urgency in her voice.

"At work, why?" was my breathless reply.

"A man just crashed a plane into the World Trade Center," she said. "[husband's name] wouldn't be down there, would he?"

"No, he is at work, I am sure. "I said. " I will call him."

At that point, I was picturing a small passenger plane crashing into the World Trade Center, an accident, of course.

Called my husband. Told him what happened. No, he hadn't heard, and yes, he was ok. At that time, he was working in midtown Manhattan, less than a mile from where the tragedy was occuring. We hung up, satisfied and convinced it was a passenger plane that had merely been diverted in a wrong direction.

We had no t.v. Only a couple of weeks before had we made the decision to get rid of t.v. for awhile. I tried to get reception, but found I could not. Turned on the radio and heard bits and pieces of the action, realizing it was a terrorist attack. Checked email and found email from friend, telling me of the details, asking about my husband. Of course there were phone calls from people, but I can't remember all of them. It seems every 5 minutes or so the phone was ringing. Tried to call husband's cell but no through service.

When baby awakes, I pack up eldest and youngest and we go to Kmart to find a T.V antenna. Salesclerks are going crazy, talking about how one of the towers fell down. Fell down?

Hurry home and get a fuzzy picture. Talk to husband. He is still ok, but at a friend's house now, trying to get out of the city. Says he smells smoke, even on the upper West side. Trains are locked down, he can't get out. Will let me know when he can.

Scared and waiting. Talking on the phone when I can, trying to get through on the internet to get better news, but I can't. Miraculously, my husband goes to Grand Central and gets on the first train that opens....this is at 2pm. Relieved he is out of Manhattan, we wait. More relief when he is home.

Find out that the t.v gets better reception in our small galley kitchen. Prop it up on the kitchen counter and stay glued to the events. We are silent, speechless.

After dinner we are watching the congressmen sing, "God Bless America." That's when I lose it. I bawl like nobody's business. I cry out of fear, out of sorrow, out of confusion. Husband holds me tight against his chest. Oldest daughter watches silently.

And that's my last memory of the day.

May we never forget that day.

My point in writing out this story was for a keepsake for my children of what happened that day, my own story.

This is a repost of a post written in 2006. I felt like I wanted to remember 9-11 today on my blog. Because I am in such close proximity to New York City, it affected many personally in my community.

Love one another.

My good friend Jeanette made me lunch one day and called it "Salad a la Andrea".

It was just salad fixin's and some grilled chicken.

So simple but so yummy.

I will made this for dinner sometimes: lettuce, salad fixin's, grilled chicken, and I'll usually make some falafel, pita and hummus to go along with it. Easy and yummy.

Jeanette at one time also made me mac and cheese with bacon for lunch one day.

MMMM!!!

It spoke so much love to me.

I went home and cried because I felt so loved.

She made it with so much love, with me in mind.

When does a mama of five ever get a special meal made for her, I ask you?

If you make me food, or bring me food, it speaks so much love to me.

I might even cry.

Seriously!!

One of my love languages is "service", so if you "serve" me then I am deeply moved and touched.

I think it's so important to think, to really think about the people in our lives and how we can love them. Jesus teaches us to love one another. Love is not just a feeling or assuming someone knows how we feel. It is action.

What is your love language?

Is it Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch?

(Read more here)

Even though we all react to these languages, some affect us more deeply.

If I am really trying to speak to someone in their love language I will study what they respond to. I find it doesn't take much effort to do this.

With your husband, your children, your family, your friends.

Even people God has put in your life to minister to.

It is so powerful.

And now, I will straighten up my kitchen, so my husband will come home to a clean house, because he likes a clean home and also because his love language is service.

Thankfulness

We had quite a scare this past weekend.

My 13 month old developed a high fever in the middle of the night and had a febrile seizure

in my arms when I went to check on him.

It was one of the scariest things to witness as a parent, for I had no idea why he was doing that.

I did not know that children could have seizures when their fever gets high.

Now I do.....

You can bet we will be vigilant about watching his fever in the future.

I am just so thankful he is ok and is back to his sweet self.

So very thankful.

So much more to be thankful for...

1. a friend who will come over at 1 am to watch our children while we go to the hospital

2.hydrangeas by said friend

3. chocolate chip cookies

4. knowing that it was "just" a febrile seizure, and he is not harmed for life.

5. A healthy, beautiful baby boy.

"...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

~I Thessalonians 5:18

Weekend reads

Educating Souls
Thirty-Three: A Remembered Life
Moms Need Friends


Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

September the First

We are wrapping up Summer

much to my sorrow.

I love Summer and will miss it.

Tonight we had ice cream at our local ice cream shop "The Blue Pig".

(no, you can't sit on the pig.)

Playing with boxes. Does it every get old?

And I'm still in one piece.

I've been teaching a teenager to drive.

Ack!!!!!