Feeding our souls

The Monday before I attended the Relevant conference I found out through reading Sally Clarkson's blog that she was going to be in New York City giving a free talk. The group had trouble finding a venue, so they ended up meeting at some one's apartment in the city. I was so excited to hear Sally. Her book, Educating the Whole Hearted Child was instrumental when I started home schooling my oldest daughter "back in the old home schooling days" of 1998. Back then, we didn't have the Internet, and when I found this gem of a book, I knew it was the way I wanted to home school my daughter. I was thrilled to find a kindred spirit in the home schooling world. I wanted to educate my child's heart: and Sally got that.
Fast forward to 2010. I couldn't believe that I was actually going to be with "THE" Sally Clarkson and listen to her minister and encourage a room full of mothers. One of the reasons I even went to Relevant was to see her and hear her speak.

A friend and I went into the city together to to Kristen's darling apartment where Sally was hosted. I was so impressed with how Kristen created a home for her four children in a small, 2 bedroom place. It was so welcoming and cozy. After meeting Kristen, I knew that we would be instant friends.
There were about 20 women there. Sally sat with us in a circle and made us laugh. She also shared wisdom and stories with us. I came away from the meeting refreshed and refocused. We mamas need that. I was so blessed to be able to attend.

One of the things I came away with from Sally's talk is that we, as mamas, need to be feeding our souls. If our souls and spirits and bodies are depleted, then what are we to share with our children? How do we pass that on to them? How do we give them a life-giving home?
"Start growing." she said. "For your children."

Kristen shared on her blog some ways she does this. I loved this:

"...what I am learning in these busy hours that weave into days and weeks around me, is that I must stop. I must find some place to be still and to follow opportunities to quiet places. Early morning walks in the first glow of sun, tea and candlelight waiting after prayers are said and kisses are smooched onto foreheads; an hour here or there to spend with pens and crisp new paper, spilling out my thoughts and prayers; these places of calm are essential to remaining the woman I want to be.
I have been waiting for these moments to come upon me, expecting them to appear and then take hold of them, but I am also learning that I have to build them in to the foundations of this life our family is making. I have to create time set apart to be filled with the Word of the Scriptures, to confess my own depravity, to seek grace in quiet places so that I can cultivate grace in the busy ones."

What I need right now, in this busy season of life, with five children and a busy schedule, is not more books or formulas to tell me what I need to be doing with my children. What I "should" be teaching them, talking to them about, reading with them... (although they do have their place...)

I need a mother...years ahead of me...to encourage me, walk with me, talk with me and tell me to take care of myself, for my children's sake.

I need organic solutions to my "parenting challenges".

I need someone to point me to Christ. To continually challenge me to go to Him for answers, not Google. =)

I take care of myself, my children are nourished, and my home-life is nourished.

“And there are my children! My darling, precious children! For their sakes I am continually constrained to seek after an amended, a sanctified life; what I want them to become I must become myself.”~Elizabeth Prentiss

The Comparison Game

But then some of the believers who belonged to the sect of the Pharisees stood up and insisted, “The Gentile converts must be circumcised and required to follow the law of Moses.”

So the apostles and elders met together to resolve this issue. At the meeting, after a long discussion, Peter stood and addressed them as follows: “Brothers, you all know that God chose me from among you some time ago to preach to the Gentiles so that they could hear the Good News and believe. God knows people’s hearts, and he confirmed that he accepts Gentiles by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as he did to us. He made no distinction between us and them, for he cleansed their hearts through faith. So why are you now challenging God by burdening the Gentile believers[a] with a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors were able to bear? We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.”
~Acts 15:5-11

It was easy to play the comparison game at the Relevant Conference. Put me in a room with 200 or so women dressed in their finest, with cute haircuts, beautiful makeup, fabulous nails--not to mention popular and successful blogs....

I felt I didn't measure up.

My "dinky" little blog in a sea of women who use their blogs for business and networking and ministry. (Mind you, they all were not like this, but it felt like it to me...)

Many who had written books, and started beautiful ministries.

I brought my "business card" with my simple logo and basic information...

I wore my flannel shirt and my moccasins and looked at all the cute put-together moms and thought: "I am not that mom."

I spotted Ann Voskamp the first night at dinner across the room. She is unmissable.

Angie Smith described her as "beautiful, gracious, elegant in an approachable "Audrey Hepburn" kind of way, but with the kind of laugh where you can see her back teeth (one of my favorite qualities in any person). She looks you in the eye, hugs you like an old friend, and whispers wisdom in the most unexpected moments."

That night in the "Beach House" gathering room, I looked for her. She seemed to be a kindred soul in a room full of women who I thought all knew each other.

You have to know that there were women waiting in line to say hi to her. She was the main attraction.

Miraculously, I was able to say hello.

She recognized me. Me? Little ole me? I immediately hugged her and the first words I had for her were, "I love you."

We talked briefly about Elise and Tonia (please, please read her latest post!) and Aimee and our mutual love for these women who have captured our hearts and souls. We wished they were here.

Ann confessed she didn't know why she was here. Like me, she felt lost in a world that seemed unfamiliar. However, I knew why she was there. And after she brought me to tears by telling me to "keep doing what I am doing" and that we "write from the heart", I hugged her again, loving this wondrous woman who was so intense, so gracious, so kind, so encouraging, so soul-connecting--so very like Jesus.

(Me? She couldn't believe she was meeting me?)

One of the things I came away with from the conference is that I want to be reading and thinking about things that bring me to Jesus.

Angie Smith said it well:

(my paraphrase)

"If what we are reading is not making us run to Jesus, then we probably shouldn't be reading it."

That homemaking blog? If it makes me want to go out and decorate my home better instead of run to Jesus? hmmm.

That home schooling blog whose life I covet? Does it make me want to do more with my children or teach more to my children.... or run to Jesus?

That cooking blog? I need to go and buy more local foods! Does it make me run to Jesus or the farmer's market?

That seemingly "perfect" family? Does it make me want to go nag my husband about what he needs to do?

Or does it make me go to Jesus?

The first night at the conference I felt lost. Where do I belong in this place?

But by the last day there, I realized where I needed to be. With Jesus. Running to Him.

*edited to add:

I think Kristen says some really good things that I am trying to say here. In the comments there were questions as to if this issue is really as black and white as I have presented it here....It's not. And that is not my purpose. I encourage you to read and think and go to Jesus about all of this. And let's keep talking about it! What are ways we can do this through our writing or blogging?

Relevant.

This past weekend I attended my first ever blogging conference Relevant. I had no idea what to expect. I was traveling with a dear friend from my church. I did know I wanted to hear Ann Voskamp speak and hopefully meet her. That I wanted to see and meet Sally Clarkson. And along the way make some connections with some wonderful women. All of this was successful. What I didn't expect is that I would be changed in my heart. That my perspective would be opened up and challenged. That I would hunger for the Lord more.
I look forward to sharing some stories with you about the trip. I think the only way I can share this experience with you is through stories. Bear with me as I sort through my thoughts. It might take awhile. =) I'll share a little on the way.

I just want to say thank you to all of you who read. You keep me going. Knowing that you are there, that you are reading, that you care enough to come back and read my thoughts helps me get through my day sometimes. Having you read has given my thoughts a voice. For years and years I was the quiet and compliant one, keeping my thoughts to myself, not wanting to cause disagreements. But this little place has helped give me the boldness for Christ. To share my thoughts has made me feel more comfortable to share my thoughts in a public forum such as women's bible studies and in my circle of friends. I have so many of you to thank. Thank you for supporting and encouraging me in this simple place. Thank you for commenting on my thoughts. For letting me know I am not alone. For emailing me your struggles. For emailing me your encouragement. My favorite part of blogging has been the connections I've made. While it certainly doesn't substitute for real, face-to-face interaction (and that is always my choice), the soul connections I've made online have been incredible. The virtual world is crazy, messed-up, overwhelming, and scary. But it is also real. It is real women sharing their real hearts and getting beyond the chit-chat to what really matters.
Many of you are my friends in real life. I thank you for supporting me! I thank you for reading! It brings me great joy when you comment to me in person what I have written about. If you read, comment. Otherwise I feel like I'm throwing precious thoughts out there to nowhere land. =)

I have been blogging since 2006. In blog years, that is a long time. Longer than most. I started blogging when people had no idea what a blog was. It was just a way for my thoughts to get their voice. I am thankful for this place. And thankful for you. Thankful I can share my stories with you all, thankful we are all on this journey together. Thankful we can lift each other up with truth. I sincerely love each and every one of you and think you all are the most wonderful people God has created. Love your Lord, love your husband, love your children. And let's keep on, sisters!

"Because the voice of a fellow-traveller always stimulates his brother-pilgrim, what one finds and speaks of and rejoices over, sets the other upon determining to find too. God has been very good to you, as well as to me, but we ought to whisper to each other now and then, 'Go on, step faster, step surer, lay hold on the Rock of Ages with both hands.' You never need be afraid to speak such words to me. I want to be pushed on, and pulled on and coaxed on."

~Elizabeth Prentiss

Links:
Others share their Relevant stories
I missed it, but I'm still Relevant
Relevant '10

A life-giving home

I believe we all, as home schooling moms, need the constant renewing of our vision for being life-giving mothers for our children. That is what will sustain us through the difficult times so that we are able finish the race God has laid before us. And not just finish by falling over the line in exhaustion, but by finishing confident and strong! I want to cross that line, hear the cheers, and then listen to the great stories in heaven of countless children whose lives were shaped by faithful, life-giving moms who gave their lives for their children. I want to hear your story, and rejoice with you to see the fruit of life given to your children.

~Sally Clarkson

Oh, hello. *smile*

I have neglected this little place for awhile....

Busy, busy things going on...

I am not a person who over schedules herself, but friends, I have over scheduled myself this month.

Multiple birthdays to celebrate, the Relevant conference, going to a concert in another town with just my husband, preparing and giving a talk for my women's bible study...It's a lot.

And when my life is busy, I have no time to think and reflect and when I have no time to think and reflect then I really have no time to write.

I hope I have more of a balance of my time and schedule and will be back to more frequent blogging in November. See you then!

Have you read....

...these wonderful posts from around the web this week?
Why it's really worth it to tell your secrets
How do you do what you do
Does Fashion Glorify God?
Fashion is fun

I was so happy to find small white pumpkins at the grocery store....

White pumpkins are so pretty....

....it's the little things.

(for more fall decorating ideas to be inspired by check out Fall Mantel Party at The Nesting Place. )