Let ev'ry heart...prepare Him room...

Amidst the mess:

...the laundry...

Take a comfy seat...

And prepare your heart for the season of Christmas....

With Ann Voskamp's

Free(!!) Jesse Tree Advent Devotional

It's not too late!

Setting us free

An anonymous reader wrote me:

I read your blog. I don't think I've ever commented. When I read your November 15th post this morning I was encouraged. My family sponsors a child through Compassion. We decided over the weekend to sponsor another child. A girl this time. So, tonight we'll all huddle around the computer screen and choose. What a blessing.
And then I scrolled down and came across your Knowing post. And as I read I just came undone. Right there at my desk while the children played a pre-breakfast game of Bananagrams. You see, our sixth child was born last December. A girl. "Bookends", people said. A sixteen year old girl, a newborn baby girl and four boys in between. Life was good. And then (here's the short version) seven months later a baby girl is born into our extended family. She was supposed to be given up for adoption. Then it's decided that my husband and I will adopt her. And God in His great mercy pours this cement called Love into our hearts and we are just simply mom and dad. And our older baby is very tiny and our new baby is big so they are almost the same size now. One is very fair and one is dark. A pair of hazel eyes. A pair of chocolate eyes. Silky blonde hair. Silky dark hair. Beauties. And now I am the mom who people stop and ask, "are they twins?" Or, more often than not, they declare, "twins!" And at first I would say, "no, they are seven months apart." Well, people want to know how that works and so we'd tell them we're adopting. And then questions about where we got her. And that's when I started wanting to retreat and be private. Sometimes I want to say, "you may ask where I got my shoes, but not where I got my daughter." But I don't want to be unkind. Or sarcastic. I just don't know what to say. How do you know what to say? And then there was that couple at the park who was asking only because their son and daughter-in-law have waited and prayed so long for a baby. And we were able to encourage them. And they encouraged us. But sometimes people act like we have done a great thing. Like we have saved her somehow. And I want to say, "no! It's not like that. The Lord has blessed us with this sweet baby. And he has given us these circumstances to teach us to trust Him, to be utterly dependent on Him." Some weeks there are calls to and from the attorney, a visit from the social worker, more paperwork. It is all a bit much at times. But life is good because He is good. So I keep casting myself at the foot of the cross. Where else can I go?
And so today I came across your words and they were like a soothing balm. I didn't feel so alone. I confess sometimes I feel alone in this. I'm not. My Lord is faithful. My husband is amazing. I have wonderful, caring children. We know many families who have adopted. Just under different circumstances. And today there was you. Thanks for having those words contact me on your blog. Thank you for sharing.

And this, friends, is why I blog.

To share stories, to help heal myself so I can help others heal and so they can heal me. This anonymous reader's story healed me.

And, similarly, what my duty as a Christian is.

To share, encourage, be authentic, open myself up to others.

So Jesus' love can set us free.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I'll be back next week.

~ps. much thanks a. for letting me share your story on here.

Weekend reads

Kind of a theme here. Enjoy and happy weekend!

Joyful vs. Joyless mothering: knowing ourselves

Susan ponders Joyful Mothering. Good stuff.

Warmth Week

Stoking your own flame. Mamas, this is for *you*!

He gives to His beloved, even in their sleep

Sweet Sally's words of encouragement.

Be blessed

Nurturing relationships. One of my favorite things to do. Because we were created to.

Relevant link love

Every Wednesday I am going to share some new blog reads with you all. These are all women I met at Relevant, and who shared their business cards with me.

1. Amy Gross @ Mom's Tool Box. She was so warm and friendly, and I loved hearing about her blogs. Because she was so nice, I wanted to check her blog out.
While talking to her I found out that she hosts Reading the Bible in 90 days on her blog. I am planning to join her next group. I can't remember the last time that I read the Bible all the way through. And this program gives you encouragement and accountability. She will be starting a new session January 3, 2011.

2. I met Kim one night in the Beach House room. She reminded me of a friend of mine, and I was immediately drawn to her when we started talking because I found out that she has 6 children. I love meeting mothers with many children. There are challenges to raising a large family that can't be explained unless you have a large family. I could immediately tell Kim was one of those "kindred spirits" to me. One of those people who you connect with on a soul level. Reading her blog, I love the gentle spirit of her words.

3. I met Ashley the first night at dinner. She was one of the first people at the conference I got to know. Ashley blogs at AP Freewriting: "Encouraging women through the written and spoken word." She was so very friendly and talkative and I enjoyed getting to know her. I look forward to reading more about her on her blog.

I chose you.

Her face smiled at me through the screen. Her body rigid in pose, I saw that she was 9 years old, like my daughter.

I thought of my nine year old--sweet, thoughtful, and gangly.

Her name was Esther, and she was 9. Her face attracted me. She seemed sweet, and thoughtful. She was also gangly. I was able to read that she lived with her grandmother, and that she was responsible for carrying water and running errands. When I read that she had been waiting for a sponsor for six months, that sealed the deal for me. How could I resist helping this child?

I clicked the button "Sponsor this child". This is a real child! And I get to help her!

I immediately began to pray for this sweet child. And her name and face had already captured my heart. I wondered if I would ever get to go to Uganda and meet this precious child as

Ann did. Oh how I would love that!
My heart swelled with love for her because I got to choose her! What a gift!

I then remembered my devotion this morning...words from Spurgeon:

"He chose them and set His love on them. He did this altogether apart from any goodness in them at the time, or any goodness that He foresaw in the. He had mercy on whom He would have mercy and ordained a chosen company unto eternal life; therefore, they are His by His unconstrained election. They are His not only by choice, but by purchase. He has bought and paid for them to the last cent; hence, there can be no dispute about His title. The Lord's portion has been fully redeemed, "not...with corruptible things, as silver and gold...but with the precious blood of Christ" (I Peter 1: 18-19)

Can you choose a child today? Can you make a difference in a child's life? Not knowing them, or knowing how they are? But where they are...right now? Compassion's website says, "Children in poverty are susceptible to believing poverty's darkest message: "You don't matter." Your prayers and letters help your child know that they matter to at least one adult--you."

I've added a button on my sidebar where all you have to do is choose and click your child. The process is so simple, but the action is not. Please consider sponsoring a child through Compassion International. It's a wonderful gift to give to someone, as well as a wonderful gift for the sponsored child.

Knowing

She held the elevator door open for me: another mama pushing a stroller, our eyes met in mutual agreement: these strollers take up a lot of room.

She had three beautiful boys, two who looked liked twins.

"Are they twins?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "They are 15 months apart. One's off the charts, the other made up his own chart."

We laughed together at this. Doctors and their "charts" and what "percentile" their babies are in is something mama's laugh at together. We instinctively know all our babies are different.

She was tiny. I remarked that her husband must be a big man for her to have such big boys, since she was so tiny.

She looked uncomfortable. I sensed it, being the sensitive person I am.

The elevator door opened and she quickly pushed her double stroller out, talking as she moved.

"Yes, their father is big, and I am tiny, but they were born in my heart, and their birth mother is very big." She said, very quickly, and (I don't know?) hesitantly?

"Have a good day," she said and smiled as she strolled away.

And I wanted to yell, "Wait!"

"Wait! I know what that feels like!"

I know what that feels like to have a child birthed in your heart....to wonder if you have to explain their story or not?

I wanted to say, "Yes, yes, I know! You see, my husband was married very young and they had a child, and then they got divorced and then the mother died tragically, and I met them when she (my daughter) was three and we married when she was five....."

"....and I became her mother, and I'm the only mother she's ever known, and she was born in my heart, and she calls me mom..."

"...and I adopted her, so it's real, it's really real...."

"...and that's why I look so young to have a 17 year old...that explains some things, no?"

I know those feelings of insecurity when it comes to adoption. How to explain, what to say, what not to say.

I wanted her to know I understood.

But she didn't know my story. And I didn't know hers. 

And that is all the more reason to extend love, understanding and grace and mercy to others.

It says in Psalm 139: 

"You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain."

He knows us. We matter. Above all, above anything else the thoughts He has for us are great.

How much easier it is for Him to extend love, mercy and grace on us because He knows us.

And how much easier it is for us to extend love, mercy and grace to others when We know Him.

Related:
My girl
Stacy's adoption/foster care series It's so good! (This is the introduction post.)

House-making

What makes a house a home?

People, memories, messes, fights, misunderstandings, prayer, forgiveness, grace..

Books, music, good food, laughter...

Intentional spaces for our family to enjoy.

Ann Voskamp says:

“Mother ducks pick feathers from their chests to line their nests.”

Eyes fixed on a duck breast puffed, mother plunging beak in deep, I question wondering self: “How else did you think nests were lined?”

With leftovers. With feathers discarded, the molted, the not-so-necessary feathers. I thought mother ducks picked feathers up from what was laying about, scraps, lining nests with what simply could be mustered after the fact.

But no. (Is that only the way of human mothers?) No, a mother duck plucks each feather out from the heart of her bosom, warm and soft.

She lines the nest with bits of herself. The best of her, from the deep spots.

She cups her young in her sacrifice.

(You must read this in entirety here. Sobs caught my throat when Ann spoke this at Relevant. Deep sobs from within my own mama-chest up through my throat, hot tears blurring my vision. I did not want to cry, I held the tears back. I wanted to listen and take it in. Such wise words, such relief to hear the truth from another mama who struggles plucking feathers from her breast.)

These mamas pluck feathers from their breast. And do it well.

Enjoy their intentional living spaces:

Elise's beautiful dining room

Soulemama's heart of the home

The most beautiful place in my home doesn't consist of a beautifully decorated room or new curtains...

But a place for my children to feel the love of a mama's heart...to be cushioned by the feathers from my breast....

To feel the warmth and love and forgiveness and grace from a cold, hard world.

That is how I intend to make my home.

Speaking kindly

"Who is the queen in Babyland? Mother, kind and sweet; And her love, born above, Guides the little feet." ~English nursery rhyme

Sometimes I'll sing this little ditty to myself. I like to imagine myself as a kind, matronly figure in my children's life. I don't always succeed, but it is so important to remember to be kind to our family.

Because we are around our children so much, especially if homeschooling, then it seems there are more opportunities to be frustrated or agitated at our children. We can also look at it another way: more opportunities to practice kindness, cultivate patience, and and to be gentle with our children. It seems, like so many other things in our lives, it is about perspective. We are wired as humans to respond to gentleness and kindness...not harshness.

Kindness to our husbands

Because my plate is so full, and my days are consumed with my house and my children, my husband's needs too often get put on the back burner. In order to be serving and blessing my husband in my daily life, I have to choose to continually do this. I am blessed that my husband is a "server". He shows love by serving people, and he does it well. One way that I can show love to him is speaking to him kindly. Martha Peace says in her book The Excellent Wife:

Be especially cautious of your words, tone of voice, and countenance as you speak to your husband. Your words should be wholesome and edifying. Your tone of voice should be gentle and calm. Your countenance (a smile or pleasant expression) should show respect even when you disagree with him or he is obviously sinning. God will help you if you turn to Him. He is the "help of your countenance, and your God." (Psalm 42:11)

Kind words show respect to our husbands. And as most of us know, the Bible commands us to respect our men.

Kindness to our children

At the conference this past weekend, I attended a session on using gentleness and kindness towards our children. The speaker, Susan Kemmerer, gave two lists of very helpful ideas on how to be kind and gentle to our children. Here are the ones that stood out to me:

Putting on kindness:

1. Practice kindness.

2. Recognize that whatever comes from my mouth is born in my heart.

3. Allow no corrupt talk, in any form, to come out of my mouth.

4. Learn to love kindness.

5. Recognize the difference between childish immaturity and sin.

Pursuing gentleness:

1. Smile at your children.

2. Demonstrate constant affection toward your children.

3. Never speak in tones of sarcasm.

4. Do not raise your voice.

5. *Practice* speaking gently.

6. Adorn yourself with gentleness and a quiet spirit.

7. Utilize your husband as an accountability partner in helping you grow in gentleness.

So, with these helpful ideas, I can hopefully continue to pursue kindness and gentleness in my life, with God's help. He desires that we all be that wife in the kitchen, and mother in the nursery, "kind and sweet". :)

(repost from archives: june 2008)

Sunday night

We had our first fire of the season.

For dinner: Enchiladas, black beans and rice and a delicious cucumber and radish salad.

And about an hour long dance party.

And my heart is full of the goodness of God.

Friday five: Good reads

1. Community, Friendship, and Belonging-So Needed, Such a Balm
I'm so thankful for friends who love me and care for me, who also reach out to me and help me stay connected. We were created for community.

2. Redefining Simple Living: Enjoying the Things You Love

3.Thankful on a Thursday: Relevant
A great collection of quotes from Relevant '10.

4. At the top of the stairs
I love so many things about this post. It speaks to my heart in so many ways. The little nook she created for her children, the sparseness and light of the space, the well-worn, well-used and beautiful toys, the fact she created it with intentionality so her children and future grandchildren could make memories there..... I love spaces like this. All just so lovely.

5. Hot Body Scrub
Ahh. This looks like something I want to try...soon!!

Have a wonderful weekend!!

Stories.

I realized while attending Relevant that I am a writer.  In fact, I have always written out things ever since I can remember. I had my first "diary" in second grade. With entries like: "We went to the zoo. It was fun. I am spending the night with Laura." Then up through my middle school years where I waxed poetic about the challenges I faced in the middle years. Through high school where I tried to figure out who I was. Through college where I learned to get my thoughts on paper so I could process things--where I learned to write my prayers out to the Lord. To meeting my now husband, and all of my feelings and emotions during that time period. (I'm so thankful I have those words!) Then there is a long period  where I did no writing.  In 2005, I discovered blogs. I knew it was the forum just for me. And it has rekindled my love for expressing myself through writing.

So, I guess I always knew I was a writer. But Relevant showed me just how much I enjoy expressing myself through writing, whether it is in my own personal journal, through blogging, through letter writing...anything! 

Ann talked about telling stories in her keynote address: 

I am a mess and you are a mess. But I hope you will keep telling your stories in the middle of your messiness. ~Ann Voskamp

I have to tell stories because in telling stories I not only heal myself but someone else.

Jesus told stories. It was how he taught his disciples.
I am a writer. So I must keep writing in some form, to tell my stories, so I can heal and others can heal. 

We must share our stories in some form with others. We must be authentic and real about ourselves. We all have a story, written by God. We should have the freedom within ourselves to tell it.

The things that can change eternal lives are the things no one wants to talk about. Serena Woods

when we submit our lives to what we read
in Scripture, we find that we are not being
led to see God in our stories,
but our stories in God’s.

God is the larger context and plot
in which our stories find themselves.

-eugene peterson