Tuesday, November 29, 2011

God's eyes

It used to be very hard to come back to New York after traveling to see family. I was homesick, to be sure; but flying into JFK or LaGuardia, I smelled New York. And I didn't like it. I was grumpy, foggy-headed. No one seemed helpful, no one was friendly. Looking at the dirty streets, graffiti walls, and trash filled alleys on our way out of the Bronx depressed me. I was never really happy to be home.

I complained frequently to the Lord: "Why do I have to live here? Why do I have to raise my family here? Why. can't. it. be. perfect." In my eyes, New York was devoid of family, faith, comfort and connection. It was dirty and smelly, a wasteland to grow in.

But it wasn't until I began to really trust the Lord, to really say to Him, "Lord, I hate living here. I hate the cost of living, hate that everyone is in a rush, hate the pace of life, hate, hate hate.... but nevertheless...Your Will..." that I began to see things in His eyes.

Seeing things through God's eyes can come about in a myriad of ways. It comes through being honest with Him, through sharing our hearts and laments with Him, by having that intimate relationship with Him. It comes through practicing eucharisteo, the "life-filling gratitude", that makes what we have... into enough.

Driving home the other night from the airport towards our home, I chose to embrace the seemingly "imperfect" parts of New York. I chose to find beauty and comfort in the cement wastelands, the dirty canals of the sound that line the freeway. I am home, I thought.

There was a beautiful sunset outside our window. A cemetery is across the street from our house. I took a walk, right outside my door, and I saw; as Ann says: that wild grace. Beauty across the street from me, in the cemetery. Because I chose to see with God's eyes.

“God's viewpoint is sometimes different from ours - so different that we could not even guess at it unless He had given us a Book which tells us such things...."
― Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place

Monday, November 28, 2011

Multitude Monday: 1000 gifts

#173-202

a safe trip to and from Utah where my in-laws live
relatively easy flight with 5 children
having the opportunity to visit one of my favorite states
the mountains on the way in
cafe rio, cafe trang, crown burgers, the fabulous folks at chick-fil-a
planning and cooking dinner with my mother in laws and sister in laws
sharing the load of the work in the kitchen
a crowded Thanksgiving table
lots of cousins
delicious stuffing
delicious apple pie
visiting dear friends
a grocery store turned aquarium
one of the best massages ever
traveling the streets of downtown Salt Lake with a grin on my face
seeing how the Lord placed me there so perfectly
in awe of His ways
my favorite boutique
listening to Christmas music while browsing
meeting a dear friend for lunch
sharing about contentment and gratitude
thankful she is still in my life in a small way
spending time with family
sharing hearts
laughing
a day to get the house in order before starting a new week
routine and order
getting out ourJesse Tree devotional book and setting up our tree
a paper garland from her waiting for me in the mail
a box of goodies from Mountain Rose Herbs to make some Christmas gifts with

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thursday threes

Okay, so it's not "Friday five" but "Thursday three's".
1. I can't believe it will be Thanksgiving next week. I think I've learned to do a lot of my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving, because as soon as Thanksgiving is over the holidays are in full swing. I'm a slow learner.
2. What are your kids asking for this Christmas? I used to go back and forth whether I would let them write a Christmas list or not. I think I've found a good rhythm with it. They write a list (which, honestly, I like, because I get to see what their true "wants" are...), then we do
Operation Christmas Child (which is so rewarding to do with the children), then we make a "wish list" from the Compassion International catalog on what we would like to give, and then through the holidays we have a "Jesus Jar" in which we put money into it for "Jesus' birthday", which will eventually go towards the Compassion's children's needs.
3. I'm taking a break to enjoy Thanksgiving week next week. See you after that! And have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Living in the slow

"Childhood scenes rushed back at me out of the night, strangely close and urgent. Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the will He will give us to do." ~Corrie ten Boom "The Hiding Place"

I am reminded to stay in the moment as I look at this little print leaned up against the wall beside my sink. It's very easy, in the busyness of motherhood, to be thinking of what needs to be done, next. I have to remember to savor this moment in the now, no matter if it's my 2 year old needing discipline or that I need to sit at the kitchen table and just "be" with my children in the moment. I have to remember these things for many reasons. They are fleeting moments to be sure. The are moments that in each and every one are preparing me for His will. If I miss them, I will miss the lesson that He would have me learn. But most of all I try to live in the moment to cherish those connections with my children. To keep them hidden in the memory of my heart, as Mary did. I don't want to miss a single thing that the Lord would have me see.

"Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing...Through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away." ~from Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts



**I first saw the Be Here Now print at Elise's kitchen sink and immediately did a search on Etsy to see if I could find one for my own kitchen sink. I absolutely love it, and love the reminder of it every day.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Multitude Monday: 1000 gifts

#164-171
surviving a week without my husband with much grace
extra energy to make it through the week
my children going the extra mile to help out

being able to take a nap on those days that my teething 2 year old was up crying all night
reading Corrie ten Boom's The Hiding Place. no words.
not having to get out the winter coats yet
safe travels
sister love

welcoming Daddy home

Friday, November 11, 2011

Friday five

1. Harry Potter. My children are obsessed. I know, I know--"She let's her children read Harry Potter?" Yes, I do. I used to be totally against it. Witchcraft? Wizards? No thanks. Not for my children. But then I read this article and I changed my stance. I always think it's best to let a fad run it's course first before deciding if my children should have a part of it. That's just me. The rule in the house is that you must read the book before you can watch the movie. I've changed my stance on many ideals. It's good to do that, I think. To know that the Christian life is not about blacks and whites. But there is much gray. And we are always changing. I like that.
2. I enjoyed the leaves on the trees for about 5 minutes this week. Now there is a huge gusty wind and they are all falling off. But we've had some warm days this week and I've been thankful for that. Still not ready to embrace winter yet.
3.Did you know Etsy is a great place to Christmas shop? I just got a lot of my Christmas shopping done on Etsy this week.
4. Last year I had the privilege of sitting in a small group of women in a living room and listening to Sally Clarkson share stories of mothering. One thing that stuck with me is her encouragement in that a lot of parenting is saying, "not this. this.". This is constant in my home. "That was not a kind way to talk. This way would have been nicer." I'm big on speaking kindly in my home. Anyway, on weeks (like this one) where I feel like that's all I'm saying, it's nice to know I am doing what I am supposed to.
5. Just been thinking all week about How God really knows how to meet needs. How He goes before us in all situations and how comforting that is.
Have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Let the mother play for goodness sakes!

I've gotten a few emails lately on burn out. It might be that time of year where the newness of the new school year has worn off and we're in the nitty gritty. I know I've written extensively about the subject here, along with my own experiences with burn out.

It seems to me that a huge part of burn-out is the mother not allowing herself to "play". I think of Karen Andreola, writer of the Charlotte Mason Companion urging: "Let the mother out to play!" This could mean many things. A day away from the children, doing what you love to do, time to clean out that drawer that has been bothering you, re-arranging the furniture in your house, taking time to exercise, meeting a friend for tea and uninterrupted conversation, reading a book, and so on. The principle is that you take time away from the duties in your life and just "play" so it refreshes you. Of course, that is just a start when you are dealing with burn out/depression. I also just wanted to direct you all to Elizabeth's posts on burnout as well as a very good post by my friend Kristen on Building An Anchor.

Monday, November 07, 2011

Bring them unto me

Lately, the book being read in my house several times a day, per my toddler's request, is the very sweet (and repetitive) Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney. It's not necessarily a favorite of mine, but certainly a much welcome change from Goodnight Moon, or " 'Night Oon", as my little boy says. This book has us all beating one another to the punch: I love you higher than the moon! I love you higher than heaven! I love you higher than one hundred sixty five! And so on. It's also given us leeway to talk about love. Mama, I love you THIS MUCH, but I love Jesus more. Yes, darling, me too. It sounds so strange to say I love Jesus more than you; my own flesh and blood, who I would die for, but I do. That's the way it should be. He made us, we love Him best. Which also gives us leeway to discuss Abraham and Issac, and the fact that God wanted Abraham to sacrifice his only son on an altar. It sounds so strange, but that's the way God wanted to know Abraham trusted Him. That's love. You know I love my children...mere words could not express, and that is the truth. So when I worry about them, I'm continually having to put them on His altar. I'm continually having to trust Him. To accept His grace. It seems so strange to say I love them so much I will place them on that scary altar; but I know in the end, they are truly in His hands. And I'm much the wiser for it.

Children are a precious gift from God, but much anxiety comes with them. They may be a great joy or a great bitterness to their parents. They may be filled with the Spirit of God or possessed with the spirit of evil. In all cases, the Word of God gives us one prescription for the curing of all their ills. "Bring them [unto] me." ...We must never cease to pray until they cease to breathe. No case is hopeless while Jesus lives. The Lord sometimes allows his people to be driven into a corner so that they may know how necessary He is to them. Ungodly children, when they show us our own powerlessness against the depravity of their hearts, drive us to flee the Strong One for strength, and this is a great blessing to us. ~Charles Spurgeon "Morning and Evening"

from the archives: October 2007
...thinking and writing more about Elizabeth's post this week...

Multitude Monday: 1000 gifts

#154-#163
leaves still on the trees

a day of fellowship, worship, and hearing the Word with my dear sisters in Christ

Trust in the Lord with all you heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. ~Proverbs 3: 5-6

God giving me the opportunity to help a friend.

Communion 2 days in a row

Witnessing the baptism of 5 brothers and sister in Christ

crying and rejoicing with sisters in the Lord

seeing the joy on my children's faces as they witness the baptisms

feeling the spirit of the Lord in that room

Bagels. Thank you Lord for bagels.

Friday, November 04, 2011

Friday five

1. What I'm never going to tell you This...Yes!!! And though this is painful to hear, it is real truth and strangely, such freedom. I definitely want to write some thoughts on this next week.
2. I can't believe it's November. Can you?
3. We have decided to drink the kool-aid and go to Disney World in January. I'm really looking forward to it.
4. My 2 year old prefaces every sentence with: "Mommy...Mommy... Mommy!!" It's alternatively cute and nerve-wracking. :)
5. Know yourself mother! Another great read.
Have a fabulous weekend.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

The Very Un-hospital Birth of Zoya Praise (and other mercies of God)

My good friend Rebecca is so encouraging when it comes to giving birth. I love hearing her birth stories. (I'm kind of a birth-story/adoption-story junkie) Recently, she sent this story of how her 7th child Zoya Praise came into the world on an email update. I asked her if I could share it on my blog to bless you ladies. Enjoy!

It all started the night of the Alabama vs Tennessee game, 11 days after my due date. In preparation for the game I was making game day chili and busying myself with other cooking as is my custom when I am waiting for a baby to arrive. At my Friday appointment when they were pressing me to set an induction date for the next week, I confidently predicted that I would deliver on Sunday. My only reason to base this on was the general lateness of my previous three babies. Eleven days late seemed to be my number. So while we were gearing up for the big game I decided it was time to put a plan into action.

It’s always hard for me to make the plans for the other children for when the time comes, yet, I’ve always trusted that just as God knows the moment each of us will enter the world He also has a plan for the ones that are already here. I truly believe he laid it on my heart to prepare for Sunday. I made a call to a servant woman at our church asking her to be “on call” to arrive in the morning should I find myself at the hospital. I would have all the kids clothes laid out for church. My dad would be there during the night and she would arrive to help them get ready and out the door to church and then to be sure they had a place to go afterwards. I assured her I had no strong reason to think that it would happen but I wanted to be prepared just in case.

With those plans made and chili consumed I actually followed the game while I threw football passes to my active son. We all went to bed happy that Alabama won strong. Now it’s my usual custom to have a restless sleep the night before it’s baby time. I usually wake up early in the morning knowing “today is the day” based on how my night went. I awoke around 1 am with the familiar contractions which I spent an hour feeling and wondering about. Finally at 2 am I decided to get up and shower. I was swaying through contractions while I blew dry my hair and then slipped back in bed beside my oblivious husband. I thought I would get a little more rest before I woke him up, but five minutes in bed told me that there was no time for that.

I shook Dan and told him we were going to have a baby today. He thought he could buy himself a little more sleep by sending me off to the shower but was surprised to find that I was fully ready to go. A call to my parents got them to our house at 3:30am. Dad stayed behind to be with the children and mom, Dan and myself headed to the hospital.

I was thankful to have my mom walk me down the long sidewalk to the hospital door and then up to the third floor while my husband parked the car. Clearly, it’s not often that a woman in active labor shows up. As I walked out of the elevator onto the labor and delivery floor the front desk directed me to registration. As I reached the desk I stopped to have a contraction and no joke, the woman asked me, “so why are you here?” I think I’m going to have a baby. Because I had called ahead to say that I was coming I expected the hospital to know that this was my 7th baby, all natural births, 3 home births. I know now I should have walked in saying, “number 7, number 7!”

After registering, they took me to triage. I looked at the little room and asked if I could go straight to a delivery room. Procedures are procedures and no matter what, I had to go to triage. When I realized procedure meant they were going to check me I informed the nurse that if she checked me I would quickly have the baby. When she checked me I was 5 cm. I don’t think she believed me. I told her my water broke. She said she didn’t break my water. Nevertheless, it’s broken and that means baby will be here soon. She's still not believing me so much.

With triage done it’s time to go to the room. They wanted to get me a wheel chair but all I could think of was having a strong contraction while stuck in an uncomfortable position in the chair. No thanks. I’d rather walk so I can stop and rock. I might have been a little too far along for that, but I made it to the room that was much further away than I expected.

I was informed that my midwife was tied up in another, difficult birth. So in comes a doctor I’ve never met before. She was kind of pacing like she wasn’t sure what to do. Then I asked if she wanted my records. “Yes!” That is exactly what she needed. Up until that point no one had asked for them and I had been a little preoccupied and Dan and just made it upstairs with the suitcase. So finally they know that this is number seven. I mention that I feel like I’m getting ready to push. Doctor checks me again and I’m at 8 cm. I tell her it will be very soon. Still, she leaves the room to go check on other women in labor.

I must add in right here that during my appointment on Friday it suddenly became very clear to me how I wanted this birth to be. My last two births have been amazing home births, delivering into the water with a skilled and wonderful midwife from Vienna at my side. Knowing that this time I would be back in the hospital I had some apprehensions. I knew, for the most part, that they would let me do my thing and I have successfully delivered naturally in the hospital 3 previous times; however, each time there has been some needless intervention like breaking my water or something slight like that. From my last two experiences, I knew that, for me, this was unnecessary. I began to have a vision of a hospital birth that was completely untouched by intervention.

So here we are in a dimly lit room with the soothing music of Stanton Lanier playing and one nurse who doesn’t seem to be aware of what is going on. I took off the baby monitor, giving her even less to pay attention to on the computer screen. I was at the edge of the bed using the squat bar and my contractions changed to pushing contractions. As I was pushing I kept looking over my shoulder to see if anyone noticed what was happening. But still we were alone in the room and the nurse didn’t seem to realize the difference. I’m pretty sure I said I was pushing, but it wasn’t until Dan said “she’s crowning” that the nurse ran to the hall and called for a cart “right away!”. The doctor came quickly but by the time she entered the room, the baby’s shoulders were out, Dan had checked for the cord and then the rest of her followed. The doctor at first didn’t know if she should rush forward or put on gloves. Instead, she folded her arms and watched my husband expertly deliver his 7th child.

God gave us everything we wanted from this birth experience. Not only did we get a non-intervention hospital birth as I had envisioned, He gave us an unassisted birth in a quiet, dim lit room! He gave us a healthy, beautiful baby. And He showed how much he cared for us by preparing us in advance to have everything lined up for the other children. And one other neat detail was the nurse he gave me in the recovery room. She is probably the only nurse who has ever had a home birth. She was so excited to talk to me and we had fun talking through out the day.

I love having the honor of participating with God in the creation process of his beautiful children. The birth experience is a powerful thing and it is this experience that grows me as a mother and a child of God. We are so thankful for our 7th blessing from God: Miss Zoya Praise! Her name, Zoya, means “life”. We pray that she will grow to praise Him with her life! We praise Him for her life!