My oldest daughter is graduating from high school this weekend. This month has been a month of endings and beginnings... very bittersweet.
A couple of weeks ago, she had her senior prom. At one point, amidst all the parents and picture taking, and young women dressed in beautiful prom gowns, I thought to myself: "I have no idea what the heck I'm doing."
It felt eerily similar to giving birth for the first time, and looking at my newborn and thinking:
How am I going to take care of this human life?
What the heck am I doing?
How did I get here?
I look at my beautiful, posed, responsible, daughter and think:
How did this happen?
Is she going to be ok on her own?
Have I done enough?
I have no idea what the heck I just did.
I have no idea how I just got here.
I have no idea what the heck I'm doing, raising these 5 children.
Much of parenting is exactly this. Wondering what you are doing, muddling through. Praying lots. Trusting a whole lot more. When we serve the Lord by raising our children for His glory, I find it is much like Paul said:
"I served the Lord with great humility and with tears."
You really need a lot of both of those things when you parent: humility and tears.
My parenting experience has been a lot of humility and tears.
And that's how I've gotten here.
Children are a precious gift from God, but much anxiety comes with them. They may be a great joy or a great bitterness to their parents. They may be filled with the Spirit of God or possessed with the spirit of evil. In all cases, the Word of God gives us one prescription for the curing of all their ills. "Bring them [unto] me." ...We must never cease to pray until they cease to breathe. No case is hopeless while Jesus lives. The Lord sometimes allows his people to be driven into a corner so that they may know how necessary He is to them. Ungodly children, when they show us our own powerlessness against the depravity of their hearts, drive us to flee the Strong One for strength, and this is a great blessing to us. ~Charles Spurgeon "Morning and Evening"